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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Drudgery

I posted on my face book page a quote from Oswald Chambers on the subject of drudgery.

"Drudgery is one of the finest touchstones of character there is. Drudgery is work that is very far removed from anything to do with the ideal - utterly mean, grubby things; and when we come in contact with them we know instantly whether or not we are spiritually real."

I have to tell you this convicted me. You don't have to look very far through my house to see how "spiritual" I am. The minute I feel dissatisfied and above having to do the "grubby" things in my life my house starts to show it. I think all mothers can related to the fact that motherhood can at times be "mean" and "grubby".

Where do we get this feeling of being above it all? Why do we tend to feel dissatisfied with doing the less then glamorous?

I struggled with this especially when pregnant with our second child. I thought to myself that I'm 23, pregnant with my second child and haven't done anything I planned to do when out on my own. I'm a wife and mother now...crap!...well, there's goes all the hopes and dreams I had for my life...dashed to bits. I had always wanted to study archeology and ancient world history. Travel the world and see ancient civilizations, work and possible someday teach in this field...but that was gone now.

Since then I've come to a sense of peace about my lost dreams and where God has redirected me. Also knowing that He is capable of fulling all my dreams in my life time and even give me new and better ones to hold on to. Yet...there are still times of dissatisfaction with my role as a mother. Why?

Often times I think we over look the meaningfulness of what Jesus did when He washed His disciples feet or just the fact that He he gave up His heavenly position and came to live as one of us in all this drudgery.

I look at all the celebrities who get pats on the back, awards, and recognition for getting their hands dirty in some third world country. It's looked at that they are rich and famous and look how they still care and are willing to lower them selves to the needs of others. What did Christ get for it? I think we all know the answer to that one.

When being a stay at home mom there are no award ceremonies, recognition, and admiration for what we do. Every time we hear the words "I'm done" we don't hear a round of applause when we've taken care of it. Every time we've had a booger wiped on us, got someone else's poop on our hands, cleaned up vomit, and had something of great value to us destroyed by a thoughtless child...we don't get to put on a $30,000 custom made evening gown to be praised for it.

Being a mother is needless to say a less then glamorous job and one that most look down upon unless you have a career to go with it. The list of reasons for being dissatisfied with our position as mother's goes on and on, but ultimately I think that feeling comes when we are doing all of it for the wrong reasons. If we're waiting for a big hand clap...not going to happen. As good as our husbands are we feel over looked and under appreciated at times. We put to much pressure on our husbands to gives us that feeling of fulfillment over what we do. We want them to bow down to us and even baby us for all the meagerness we deal with. Husbands definitely need to praise,appreciate, and respect their wives, but that is also a two way street. We can't rely on them to give us what we can only receive from God.We're not going to receive a letter in the mail saying we've been selected as mother of the year for all we do and we act like we should.

If there is dissatisfaction in our role it is because we are not doing it out of love for the one who really didn't deserve to live a life of drudgery. We're doing it out of necessity and the desire for a good outward appearance in the hopes of receiving some form of praise and yes, even pity at times. I once heard it referred to as...Mommy Martyr Syndrome...and to be honest with you I have a bad case of it. We want to be treated by others as the martyrs we feel we are.

Oswald Chambers even referred to drudgery by basically saying it isn't difficulty that makes me think God will forsake me but drudgery. When there is no vision given, nothing wonderful or beautiful, just the common place day in and day out - can I hear God's voice in these things? My answer to that is no...not because it isn't there but simply because I have not been listening. I have not been doing what the world refers to as "lowly" things for Him. God is the only one who can give us true joy in the drudgery of life and help us overcome a martyr mentality. Remember, Christ gave up His seat at the right hand of the Father to come lives with us as one of us, be rejected by us, and then die for us. Not once did He ever wallow in self pity over the drudgery of it all. He did all of it for us but ultimately out of the love He had for the Father. He is our example of how to live in the drudgery of the day to day with victory and joy.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Big Bros

Yesterday after church we went to a b-day gathering at a friends house. After we all had a super wonderful lunch we all headed to the nearby park. There was a huge sand box that was a big hit with all my kiddos...especially Evie.

There were several unsupervised children there playing while their parents were playing a soft ball game at the ball park next to the playground area (which leaving little children unsupervised in a public place like that is a whole other post). There were two boys playing in the sand box and they were playing robot...so Evie started acting like a robot and saying, "I'm a robot...I'm a robot". The one little boy started yelling at her and kept saying she wasn't a robot and it was his game. Logan stood right up and went over to him and told him she could be a robot if she wants to. That a boy Logan!

It's funny...he can do all sorts of things to her...boss her around...yell at her for annoying him...take stuff from her...list goes on, but when he sees someone else mistreating her buddy he doesn't like that. Weird how brother and sisters are like that.

I remember when Jim and I were both living at my older brother's years ago, (that's how we met) him and I were laying on the floor watching movies together. This story makes Jim laugh when we talk about it. My brother walked out into the living room and saw us on the floor together and stood over Jim giving him the nastiest look I think Jim has ever gotten from anyone...and I've given him some doozies. Now Jim and I were behaving...we were just watching movies but still he didn't like that his little sister was having any moves laid on her by anyone! Funny.

When we were kids I remember we were making fake ids with the type writer and then laminating them with boxing tape. I was having trouble with mine and my brother wouldn't help me. I was in the living room crying when my other older brother (who lives in NZ now) came in and asked me what was wrong. When I told him I couldn't do it he helped me make one. Funny those things you remember.

Both my girls have two brothers to drive them crazy...annoy them...and make them cry, but they also have two brothers who will look out for them and step up when they are being mistreated. Jer will spend his day fighting with Evie (sometimes physically fighting with her too) but he will also get upset if I lay her down for nap when he hasn't given her a good nite kiss.



Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Hard Workin Man

I felt bad last night...why...well because Jim had to go back to work today. He had two days off after seven days and 112 hours of work last week. His two days off went by like a fart in the wind.

We didn't accomplish much this set of days off like last time but that's o-kay. Who wants to do work around the house after you've worked 100+ hours.

Sometimes I worry about my man having to work so hard. I think about how I would fold under the weight of it if it were me having to do what he does and work the hours that he does. My Jimmer has an inner strength that I envy at times. I have to remind myself that God made him different then me. He designed him to be the provider and work hard. He's given him a strength to do what he does. I'm sure if Jim were here with the kids as much as I am he would be dying to go back to work. I have a strength to do what I have to just like he has a strength to do what he has to. I need to stop imposing my strengths and weaknesses on him. He isn't going to fold under the pressure of being the provider like I would. He's my big strong Beefy man!

Men need to feel that importance of being needed and providing. Also the need of being appreciated for their hard work. One thing I've learned in the years we've been married is the importance of showing him respect for what he does. It's hard for him to be away from us and needs me to support and respect him. This is an area that needs some improvement on my part as he would gladly attest to.

I've often in the years we've been together looked around at other women and been very thankful to have the hubby I do. He used to get into trouble with his brother in-law we lived next to cause he would pick me flowers on the way home from work all the time. Unfortunately he had to stop because I was allergic to them.

I've never gotten into trouble with him for spending too much money, not keeping the house tidy enough, or saying something off colored (he usually laughs at that). He is very understanding (most of the time) and has a deep desire to do things that are sweet and thoughtful (again, most of the time). We are best friends with a long list of inner jokes that no one else would get. One right placed word can send us into fits of laughter while everyone else looks in confusion (and no it's not always dirty either).

There are some things I wished he would be more serious on but I would never want to give up the other in it's place. accepting your spouse for who they are is very freeing. I never want to make him feel that there is a unreachable standard I've laid down that I expect him to live up to. He doesn't do that with me.

Lost in thoughts of me. :)

Grrrrrrr

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Front Porch Sittin

Yesterday I took a break from working outside. I needed it. I've woken up late every day this week! I've been poopin myself out. I either haven't been hearing the alarm or I've been hitting snooze in my sleep.

Today I cleaned off the front porch. I put my fake ficus tree with white lights on the porch. I was tired of it being in my living room. I think it looks o-kay. I hung my berry wreath I had in my kitchen but had to take it down when I moved the hutch. It seems more cozy out front.

After I did the porch we had lunch out back again. I made pb&j with popcorn and chocolate milk. Sound nutritious? Well, we got our bellies full and that's all that matters. Clean up time was a cinch. Thank God that winter is finally over. This nice weather has been well needed medicine to all our souls. I've really enjoyed scooting the kids out back while I do my cleaning. I don't care too much for all the dirt they bring in, but I'm trying not to pay too close attention to the floors. I sweep once a day and darn it that's enough...probably to some people more then enough. I've decided that clean floors is something I'll have to wait for all the kids to grow up and leave to have. There's no point to it...as soon as I sweep and mop some body gets them dirty again. I'd rather spend my time just enjoying watching them have fun outside...and being out of my hair.

Too bad we have a crappy looking front door. The land lord said he would get a new one but that was a year ago...I'm starting to wonder.
Can you tell it's fake? Cheesy?

My wooden crate with the flower Deb brought home from school for Mother's Day.


Yummy time.

Chocolate milk mustache.

She only ate her popcorn.
Also painted our house number on this rock Jim found.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Camp Fire!

I know I said I was going to work on the inside of the house today...and I did. The kids played outside while I finished up my cleaning and then we had lunch on the back porch. After lunch I got it in my head to dig the fire pit I've been wanting to make. I got most of it dug but took a break at nap time. I finished it up after the kids got home from school. Then we all headed to the creek that runs along the trailer court and got creek rocks for our fire ring. I FILLED the back of my van with rocks. I want to go back and get more to finish lining the mulch around the house.

When I was done making the fire ring I started to mulch the area around it. It's where we had the garden last year and since there's nothing growing there now I decided to cover the whole square in mulch with the fire ring in the middle. I want to get larger rocks to line the square with. I'm also planning on getting logs or stumps for seats around it.

Along the side of the shed I'm going to plant pole green beans and hook string from the ground to the top of the shed for them to climb up. When they bush out it'll look really good. Plus I ordered wooden edging fences with solar lights attached to them that I'm going to put along the side of the shed to separate the plants from the fire area. There's distance between them but the fencing will make it look nicer.

It's coming together how I want things. I have the blue prints in my head and I'm not going to stop til it's all done. I think I'm going to need some more mulch though to do everything.

Don't let my husband fool you with his comments...he was at work today so he wasn't here to help or do any of it. My back isn't aching for nothing.

The kids were all excited and went searching for fire wood.

I waited so long for a burner barrel...now I can probably just use the fire pit. I think it will look really sharp if I line the square. I have to finish the mulch, move the burner barrel, and clean up the brush up towards the bank. I'm very pleased thus far with how it looks...the pictures don't do it justice.

Mother's Day

This weekend the kids went to their Nan and Paps. While they were there their Nan had gotten stuff for each of them to make me a present. They had them all closed up in gift bags and told me I couldn't open them until Mother's Day. When I woke up yesterday morning and Logan knew I was awake he was so excited for me to open them that he opened them for me and brought them to me. I barely had my contacts in to see what they had made when he handed me their presents.

We went to my parents for the day and my Grandpy was there. We stuffed ourselves and then finished it off with making ice cream cones. The kids spent majority of the day playing in the ditch which is like a mini creek that flows along the drive way. The kids didn't find anything but I found a crayfish.

The busy weekend pooped me out so much that I got up late this morning and had to take the kids to school. I just love Mondays...not!

Logan's flower arrangement he made for me.

Deb's tea cup arrangement she made.

Jer's tea cup and puppy dog arrangement he made.

Evie made me a card with flowers on it. I could barely get a pic of it as she thinks it's hers and won't give it up.

Evie smelling the real looking fake flowers.

Logan and Jer playing bat and ball.

Logan climbing out of the ditch onto the bridge.

Grandpy's big truck.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

I Love It When a Plan Comes Together

The famous words of the A-team. I love plans...loooove plans. Problem is they hardly ever work out the way I planned them.

Well, I'm very happy to say that I made plans for this weekend and guess what? It actually worked out! I should mark these days on the calendar so I can celebrate them annually.

Jim had off Friday, today and tomorrow. Three day weekend! Plus Friday night the kids went to their Nan and Paps. After we dropped them off we came home and got to work. I had planned to get the outside looking good. The leaves from last fall were still up against the back of the trailer from the woods behind us. They were about three feet deep, but we got them all cleaned up. We worked outside til dark. Then Jim went this morning to the McElhattan dump and got four yards of mulch. Four yards doesn't sound like much but let me tell you...it is. This entire heaping mass filled the entire bed of Jim's truck. When they filled it they even packed it down with the bucket of the loader. So it was a packed heaping mass.

We worked until about noon and then had to go get the kids. We took a break when we got home and Evie took a well needed nap. We went back to work with the kids helping at 4:30pm and worked again until about 8pm. We finished spreading the mulch all the way around the trailer, re-did the bricks in the front, dug up and transplanted plants, and then Jim mowed. Last but not least because the grass was so long the kids and I worked on raking up the clippings. Phew...job well done.

I can't wait until we can get flowers to spruce things up with. I ordered small hedge fences with solar lights, black iron tree rings with solar lights, and some other stuff for the outside from LTD. I order it through Jim's step mom so it might take a little while to get it since she's waiting for others to place their orders. I'm sure I'll post the pics when I get them.

Before

After

Before

After with the plants I transplanted.

Before

After

Added a plant to the corner.

Before

After

Jim thinks these holes were from a central air system that somebody had at one time. Our outdoor cat lives under the trailer and I notice that he always goes in the one and out the other. So I figured I'd paint signs for him. :-)

All the stones I found on the hill behind us.

I found some big ones and thought they'd make good steps.

This is the front where we re-did the bricks.

Evie picking up grass.

Deb picking it up too and getting tired of it.

Logan doing some raking.

Evie getting a ride to the brush pile.


Lots O mulch


I didn't get any pics of Jer. He was inside with a sprained ankle. Poor kid couldn't walk on it.

They're Sucking Me Dry

At the beginning of every school year are school pictures...in fact they are taken the first week of school. Then at the end of the school year they do it again...only this time they're more tricky about it. They take the pictures and then when they come in they send the package of pictures home with the kids. They know if you see them and have them in your possession your going to want to keep them. Your supposed to send back the ones you don't want and pay for the ones you keep. TRICKY.

The ones they take at the end of the school year are always nicer then the ones taken at the beginning of the year. There are different and nicer backgrounds to pick from without an extra charge and different poses. Yet again is another year where I'm getting sucked into the sales ploy. Last week they brought their packages of pictures home from school and they are freakin nice. Once I saw them and how nice they turned out...that was it...suckered again.

So now I have the antiquities pictures on layaway to finish paying for and now these. Thankfully this set of pictures are cheaper then the ones earlier in the year but still. I don't think I want to sit down and figure out what I will have spent on pictures for the whole year. It would probably make me feel a little queasy.

Part of me doesn't mind because they are only kids for so long and to have nice pictures for them and me to look back and reminisce on will be worth it.

I want to make each of the kids their own scrap book full of pictures from their childhood as a keep sake for when they are all grown. I haven't done the best thus far with the whole baby books and documenting every thing. I feel bad about that. I should have because there are things I don't remember and things I get confused on as to as which one of them did this or which one was like that... so on and so forth. Having four kids has turned my brain into this mushy type substance where it's hard to keep the simplest of things straight.

Just the other day Jim said, "Do you remember how Evie used to drag her one leg when she would crawl"? No, I don't remember that and she was the last one born so I should. It really wasn't all that long ago. I remember how Jer crawled on all fours. It was weird, he wouldn't crawl on his hands and knees...he crawled on his hands and feet. Come to find out later Jim's Mom said that's how he crawled as a baby too. Awh, like father like son.

I'd better quit thinking about when the kids were babies before I start getting the itch for another one. I'm either still young enough or stupid enough to be open to the idea of another one. I'll admit it, I still get that warm fuzzy feeling when I think about having an other little baby. But then I remember having to get up in the night, my boobs turning into watermelons from constantly breast feeding, the crying, making baby food, lugging a car seat every where I go, gaining an extra 40 or so pounds...just thinking about it makes me tired. I've got another four years until all of them are in school. Do I really want to start all over? We shall see.

They got to pick the backgrounds they wanted themselves.

Deb was so excited when I got her this jacket from the thrift store. She said it looked like my style of clothing. She feels so grown up when she wears it.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Rude People

Yesterday I had to go to the store. I only had enough coffee to make one cup that morning...did you hear that...ONE cup. I was running water through the used grounds in the filter to get by. After the kids got home from school we went.

As I was walking down the one isle a gentlemen (which is a nicer term then I would really like to use) probably about 60 or so was walking towards us. As he passed us he said to me, "why don't cha have some more kids" in a very snide way. Grant it I had all of my brood with me, but they were behaving in a favorable way at the time. There was no need for such a rude comment. Apparently there are people in this world who are against larger families, and I'm assuming he was one of them. My opinion is that if you don't have to feed them or wipe their butts...mind your own business.

Now onto an issue we're apparently having with our neighbor. When I let Dodie out I just open the door and check back in a couple minutes. Yesterday when I finished cleaning up supper I went out to burn garbage. As I walked down the steps of our back porch I saw a huge heap of dog crap. I thought, "that's weird". I wouldn't picture her crapping on the steps to the porch. I thought maybe it was that black lab from another trailer that comes around sometimes, but still it seemed strange for any dog to crap there. When I finished burning garbage I walked back up to the steps and happened to notice there were grass clipping stuck to it. That's when it hit me. It had been lying in the grass at some point and was then placed on our porch. Now our neighbor is very meticulous with his yard and must have found it and decided to "return" it. I don't blame him for not liking the fact that our dog crapped in his yard but it would have been a little nicer to have said something. I would have responded by saying that I was very sorry and that we would keep a better eye on her and if he were to find any more to let me know and I will clean it up. But no, he put it on the step to our porch waiting to be stepped on, which fortunately didn't happen.

Jim was quite perturbed with this and said about putting it on this guy's truck. Jim has a little bit of a vengeful side. I defused the situation because I know that retaliation is how feuds start.

I guess the next time I'm at the store I will be investing in a dog chain to tie her to when she goes out.

Still, there's no need to be rude people.

See the grass clippings? I could sooo be a CSI investigator. I notice things the average person doesn't. The grass clippings were the key to the whole story of who, why, and where. Dun da da. I can also tell by the color and whole appearance of the poo it's only 1-2 days old, which means the crime that was perpetrated happened sometime between yesterday morning and the night before.
Do I need to get a life or what?

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Emotions. Who Needs Them?

One of my character traits that I've often viewed more as a flaw is the ability to feel for what people are going through. I was told that my spiritual gift is that of mercy. Now any one who has this as their predominant gift will understand. Being told you have the gift of mercy is like having a sister who's known as the pretty one and you're known as the nice one. I suppose that's a wrong way of looking at it. Having this as a spiritual gift can at times leave you feeling like you're on an emotion roller coaster. Heck, just being a woman can leave you feeling that way let alone adding anything to it.

Today on the way home from a friends house we were about 1 mile from the Pine Creek exit when there was this huge boom. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw that a dump truck had blown a tire and was pulling over. I felt so bad for this driver. I actually started to tear up over it! What the? What is wrong with me? He probably had a cell phone and it was a truck out of Montoursville so he wasn't that far from help. Plus a car pulled over to see if he needed help. Now my Dad is a truck driver so that might have something to do with my emotional response to his situation, but still.

Another situation comes to mind from when I was a teenager. There was a couple a little older then my parents at the church we attended. The husband had lung cancer. He eventually went into remission but the cancer had done so much damage that he ended up dying anyways. When he was in the hospital basically just going through the death process we went in to visit them. He was pretty much in a comatose state and his wife seemed very peaceful about it all. We were out in the hall while my parents were talking to her and I was doing my very best to keep it together. Trying to keep my face turned and looking off into the distance so no one would see me blubbering. Well try as I did, it was noticed. His wife grabbed my hand and held it as they finished talking. Now there was no emotional attachment to these people for me. They were just people who I would see at church and that was for only about a couple of years. Anyways I felt like a fool standing there unsuccessfully trying to keep it together.

After he had died we went to the viewing and when we approached his wife she immediately grabbed my hand again and held it tight the whole time my parents and her talked. Now for the viewing I was emotionally stable and not blubbering, but she still for some reason held on. I'm not sure what took place between us, but there was definitely something unspoken. Something that perhaps couldn't be said with words.

Having mercy and empathy popping it's head out where ever it likes can definitely be humbling or even humiliating at times. There are a handful of things we as people do that we don't want an audience for. Crying is one of them...that and going to the bathroom, but having children has kind of numbed me to the latter though. I don't know if it seemed odd to her that a 16 year old who didn't even know them that well was so emotional over what was happening or not. I guess that doesn't really matter.

Now the incident with the truck driver blowing a tire may have been more under the class of sentimental emotions then a spiritual gift displaying itself, but the other has left no doubt in my mind.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Country Living

I really like living more in the country. We loved it when we lived here in Pine Creek a few years back and was sad to leave it behind. Now we're back...grant it it's a trailer court in the country but still it's better then when we lived in a run down house in town.

One of the perks about being in the country is being able to burn garbage. About 3/4's of our garbage is burnable and since getting a barrel usually each week we don't even fill the garbage can. Grenobles disposal comes each week to empty barely half a can.

Today while I was out burning garbage I saw something on the hill behind the trailer. It was black and as I got closer I discovered it was a snake. It didn't bother me too bad cause I heard that black snakes kill copperheads. Copperheads freak me out because the old place we lived in out here was right beside the creek and there was plenty of them. I started to have nightmares about snakes then and still do sometimes. I know there are even rattlers out here too.

I called Jim and the kids to come look at it. Logan wanted to keep it as a pet of course. Evie didn't mind as long as she wasn't too close to it. Come to find out after the kids went inside Jim grabbed it's tale cause he said he wanted to "mess" with it and it was stiff. It had a kink in it's body from something having gotten a hold of it. The dog was out earlier and might have "played" with it. I felt kind of bad for it. It was laying in a normal position for a snake and it must have just laid there until it died from it's injuries.

We cremated it in the burner barrel since it was still hot. After having to watch out for copperheads black snakes seem rather tame to me now. I worked on a farm when I was younger and in the barn there was a 3-4 foot black snake named Sneaky Pete that you would see slithering up the walls inside the barn now and again. I wonder if old Sneaky Pete is still around.


It looked alive

It eyes were still open

Is It Halloween Yet?

Last Friday a friend and I hit the nearby thrift stores. Everything was going great and then we decided to go to the ARW in town after hitting the Dairy Queen for lunch. The kids went over to the toy area after we arrived like they normally do while we looked around. After we were there about for 10 minutes one of the ladies that works there asked, "who do these children belong to? They've made a mess with the toys and the little girl has stripped down to her bare butt and is trying on stuff." Oh boy, now we have a decision to make. Do we own up to the fact that "these children" belonged to us or do we pretend that we have no idea who they are. We of course did the right thing and said they are ours and made the situation right the best we could. We joked around that they now have our pictures hanging up in the ARW and are now banned.

After things had calmed down while looking around I found this yellow gown that I planned on making fun of until I took it off the rack to discover it was almost identical to the yellow gown Belle wore in The Beauty and the Beast. I decided to try it on and it fit like a glove. I wanted it...for next Halloween of course. There was no price tag on it so I asked the same lady who wanted to know who these children belonged to. She looked at it and said $15. I responded by saying really? She asked what I was going to use it for and I said for Halloween and for any other use the dress is rather ridiculous looking...which it is. As I held it up in front of her she stroked the many ruffles, thought for a moment and then said how about $6. I said sold! Shortly after that I found a hair piece that has all these curls hanging down just like how Belle had her hair in the movie. Awesome! My costume for next Halloween is complete. Now I just have to find white knickers and a blue tuxedo coat with tales for Jim. Oh yes, I told him he's going as Beast like it or not. I said Jer could be the candle stick guy and Evie could be the feather duster that he chases around but Jim said that would be just wrong since they are brother and sister. Whatever. Logan could be the clock and Deb could be Mrs.Potts. We'll get the whole family in on this theme. Can't you just picture it? I can, especially Jim in white knickers. Now that's HOT! That's a family picture. Jim's step mom is really into Halloween...in fact it's her favorite holiday. She'll be so proud of me this year! I can't wait.




Don't I make a good Belle?