My blog is many things wrapped into one site. One of the things it has been is my journal in my spiritual growth. I feel that God has taken me from mediocre, cloudy, and self attained religon and brought me into His freedom. He has brought me into His promised land and the green pastures where His presence is vivid. When I really think about it I'm not sure that's right...I was always there - I just didn't realize it. He has brought me realization of who He truly is and who I am in Him. He is freedom from sin, myself, and oh yes MYSELF.
He has laid the foundation for growth without guilt, shame, and fear. The foundation for growth outside of myself or despite myself rather. No stipulations or requirements. I always viewed obedience as a requirement when it is simply something He asks of us. God is not a dictator who demands our obedience and takes away all that He is in us when we don't obey Him. That's how Satan has deceived the world into thinking who He is and what Christianity is about. Unfortunately he has deceived many Christians themselves into that kind of belief. The truth shall set you free.
I feel like my "walk" with God is not a walk even anymore....It's a dance. I occasionally watch Dancing With the Stars and now and again there is dance performed that is so beautiful and graceful that it makes you want to cry. It's like they are floating on the dance floor, oblivious to the fact that any one is watching them. They are caught up in the enjoyment of the dance and the beauty of it. That's how I view my "walk" with Him. The gracefulness comes from letting Him lead in the dance.
Now that the foundation has been laid, it's time to move beyond the elementary things of Christ and spiritual milk and move on to the "solid food". I may still need some milk to wash it down with, but I will go where He leads. Just as Jesus called to His chosen disciples to come out into the deep and get ready for a haul. Gulp...I think I'm ready.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
She's At It Again
As I wrote yesterday I had to take Debbie to the Doctor. Her appointment was for 1:10 which is Jer and Evie's nap time. Evie napped for about 20 minutes in the van on the way home. That was not enough.
Evie not getting a nap is like Barney Fife taking his bullet out of his shirt pocket and putting it in his gun. Eventually it's going to go off. She was completely out of control.
First...I had gotten Jer some juice, and when she saw him with juice she decided she wanted some too. She whined until I got it for her. She then proceeded to take mouthfuls of her juice and spit it on her siblings. They all came running to me to tell on her as they were wiping themselves off. I'm surprised they didn't gang up on her. To be honest...I would have looked the other way if they had.
Second...I came walking into the kitchen to see her on top of the bar and jumping off of it like a flying squirrel onto the love seat below. She had her arms and legs extended just like a flying squirrel. She's going to be the one to grow up and be a sky diver. This child has no fear.
Third...Evie loves books, but they don't always love her back. Deb likes to read to her and alot of times it's while I'm making supper. That way she is occupied and out of trouble. Deb was reading her a library book from school when all of a sudden Deb came up to me holding the book with a page ripped out of it. Nice......I'll be performing book surgery later.
Fourth...I had to run to the pharmacy after Jim got home. Logan had left a magazine in it's folder that he checked out from the library at school. When I got back Jim was taking what pieces were left of it away from her. Not sure that one is salvageable. She had struck again.
Fifth...while we were still at the Doctors office she was sitting in a chair and all of a sudden she had a piece of gum in her mouth. The thing is I had no gum. Where she got it from I have no clue other then someone had stuck their already chewed piece of gum somewhere on that chair. I was completely disgusted at the thought of it. My child had chewed on some strangers saliva rittled piece of gum. I start to heave a little every time I think about it. I wanted to make her gargle with hand sanitizer but then I would end up poisoning her in the process. Unfortunately what's done is done.
By the end of the day I felt like putting her in the dog crate. Actually, I felt like doing that long before the end of the day. I am at my wits end with this child. I feel like putting her over my knee and spanking her until she's afraid to move...or unable to move. At least from her not getting a proper nap I could put her in bed early last night.
What am I going to do with this child? Will she grow out of it or will it just get worse as she gets older? She is a danger to herself and all those around her! My one friend was talking about how it's legal to anonymously "drop" kids off at the hospital and leave them there! Hmmm......nay, I wouldn't do that to the innocent people working there. They deserve to be rewarded for their hard work, not punished.
God gave me this child and she's mine to love, nurture and DEAL with. Sigh.............
Evie not getting a nap is like Barney Fife taking his bullet out of his shirt pocket and putting it in his gun. Eventually it's going to go off. She was completely out of control.
First...I had gotten Jer some juice, and when she saw him with juice she decided she wanted some too. She whined until I got it for her. She then proceeded to take mouthfuls of her juice and spit it on her siblings. They all came running to me to tell on her as they were wiping themselves off. I'm surprised they didn't gang up on her. To be honest...I would have looked the other way if they had.
Second...I came walking into the kitchen to see her on top of the bar and jumping off of it like a flying squirrel onto the love seat below. She had her arms and legs extended just like a flying squirrel. She's going to be the one to grow up and be a sky diver. This child has no fear.
Third...Evie loves books, but they don't always love her back. Deb likes to read to her and alot of times it's while I'm making supper. That way she is occupied and out of trouble. Deb was reading her a library book from school when all of a sudden Deb came up to me holding the book with a page ripped out of it. Nice......I'll be performing book surgery later.
Fourth...I had to run to the pharmacy after Jim got home. Logan had left a magazine in it's folder that he checked out from the library at school. When I got back Jim was taking what pieces were left of it away from her. Not sure that one is salvageable. She had struck again.
Fifth...while we were still at the Doctors office she was sitting in a chair and all of a sudden she had a piece of gum in her mouth. The thing is I had no gum. Where she got it from I have no clue other then someone had stuck their already chewed piece of gum somewhere on that chair. I was completely disgusted at the thought of it. My child had chewed on some strangers saliva rittled piece of gum. I start to heave a little every time I think about it. I wanted to make her gargle with hand sanitizer but then I would end up poisoning her in the process. Unfortunately what's done is done.
By the end of the day I felt like putting her in the dog crate. Actually, I felt like doing that long before the end of the day. I am at my wits end with this child. I feel like putting her over my knee and spanking her until she's afraid to move...or unable to move. At least from her not getting a proper nap I could put her in bed early last night.
What am I going to do with this child? Will she grow out of it or will it just get worse as she gets older? She is a danger to herself and all those around her! My one friend was talking about how it's legal to anonymously "drop" kids off at the hospital and leave them there! Hmmm......nay, I wouldn't do that to the innocent people working there. They deserve to be rewarded for their hard work, not punished.
God gave me this child and she's mine to love, nurture and DEAL with. Sigh.............
Monday, March 28, 2011
What To Do?
These last 2-3 weeks has been a little stressful do to sickness. Two weeks ago we all got the stomach flu. Then last week Deb and I got a head cold. Since then deb's gotten another ailment. Saturday night she woke up because she had thrown up all over herself. I put her on the couch with a bucket and she threw up only one more time. You wouldn't think you could get the stomach flu twice in a two week period.
For a while now, even before getting the stomach flu, she was complaining about her stomach and head hurting all the time. Well, it's now Monday....which is also her b-day......and she threw up a tiny amount this morning. How do you tell if it's something that has to run it's course and when it's something that requires a trip to the doctors. I don't go running to the doctors every time they have a cough or the sniffles. I hate going to the doctor with my "Terrible Two" and wasting a $30 co-pay. Not to mention the waste of time by having to wait the 1 1/2 hours in the waiting room just to spend 10 minutes with a doctor. Plus I can never get in with our doctor because he's always booked up.
She's been missing alot of school lately due to not feeling well. I'm starting to feel like a trip to the doctor is in order, but am dreading it. I've felt frustrated from my last couple trips to the doctors. I haven't been able to see my Dr. and the ones I did have to see didn't want to listen or investigate symptoms any further then telling me "it's viral". Seems as though any time they can't explain something or don't want to run any tests they just label it viral. Which the test part is weird because most Drs. are always pushing having tests done or at least sending you to a specialist.
As we speak Deb is laying on the couch in a comatose state. My house is trashed from the weekend and I know if I go I won't be able to get everything done today.....sigh. I've got a half hour until the doctors office opens and can call to decide what I'm going to do.
I hate Mondays. I wonder who I can call to watch the "Terrible Two" for me?....ponder.....ponder.....ponder.
For a while now, even before getting the stomach flu, she was complaining about her stomach and head hurting all the time. Well, it's now Monday....which is also her b-day......and she threw up a tiny amount this morning. How do you tell if it's something that has to run it's course and when it's something that requires a trip to the doctors. I don't go running to the doctors every time they have a cough or the sniffles. I hate going to the doctor with my "Terrible Two" and wasting a $30 co-pay. Not to mention the waste of time by having to wait the 1 1/2 hours in the waiting room just to spend 10 minutes with a doctor. Plus I can never get in with our doctor because he's always booked up.
She's been missing alot of school lately due to not feeling well. I'm starting to feel like a trip to the doctor is in order, but am dreading it. I've felt frustrated from my last couple trips to the doctors. I haven't been able to see my Dr. and the ones I did have to see didn't want to listen or investigate symptoms any further then telling me "it's viral". Seems as though any time they can't explain something or don't want to run any tests they just label it viral. Which the test part is weird because most Drs. are always pushing having tests done or at least sending you to a specialist.
As we speak Deb is laying on the couch in a comatose state. My house is trashed from the weekend and I know if I go I won't be able to get everything done today.....sigh. I've got a half hour until the doctors office opens and can call to decide what I'm going to do.
I hate Mondays. I wonder who I can call to watch the "Terrible Two" for me?....ponder.....ponder.....ponder.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
I'll Buy That For A Dollar!
Oh how I love deals. I'm a thrifty and thrift store shopper. The kids stayed last night at their Nan and Paps and I didn't have to pick them up til noon today. I decided to go thrift storing. I went to just about all of them. The Good Will was having 50% off everything today. I got two pairs of jeans (for myself) for $7. I also got a trouser pair of jeans (that I've really been wanting) for $1 at the ARW in Jersey Shore. Yeah Me! Not to mention the wicked cool black stilettos I picked up as well. I'll be rockin it at church tomorrow. That's about the only place I can wear shoes like that....after a couple of hours I've got to take them off! Last but not least were 3 pair of sunglasses...all 60 cents a pair...cause I'm always miss placing them. Now I have back ups and variety.
No old Star or People magazines this time (White Tailer Trash #1 post), but.....I did get two people mags from Nanny! Did you know that Billy Ray and his wife are back together and working it out? Yup. I think that's nice...God luv em. Bong smoking Miley needs the stability....God luv her. Don't even get me started on Charlie Sheen and all his nonsense. Oh how I do enjoy trailer trash entertainment. I think it's because it makes me more thankful to have the life I do......even though we're not rollin in dough. Plus I like to see the hideous things all the celebrities are wearing that they claim are "in". Makes me feel better about my style sense too.
I'm going to make a cup of coffee and curl up with a good magazine before I have to think about making supper. Nobody better bother me!
No old Star or People magazines this time (White Tailer Trash #1 post), but.....I did get two people mags from Nanny! Did you know that Billy Ray and his wife are back together and working it out? Yup. I think that's nice...God luv em. Bong smoking Miley needs the stability....God luv her. Don't even get me started on Charlie Sheen and all his nonsense. Oh how I do enjoy trailer trash entertainment. I think it's because it makes me more thankful to have the life I do......even though we're not rollin in dough. Plus I like to see the hideous things all the celebrities are wearing that they claim are "in". Makes me feel better about my style sense too.
I'm going to make a cup of coffee and curl up with a good magazine before I have to think about making supper. Nobody better bother me!
Friday, March 25, 2011
It's Not Creepy...Just Sentimental
I posted the other day how I gave all the kids haircuts. After each haircut I swept the hair into a pile til I was done. Jer was the last to get his cut, so his hair was on top of the pile. Now I don't cut his hair very often and I like to keep it a little longer. His hair likes to curl and have waves that are just so cute. The next morning I walked by the garbage can and saw his half circle curls on top. This made my heart melt. I picked some of them up and held them in the palm of my hand and thought how beautiful his little curls were. It didn't seem right to throw them away. I thought to myself, "what could I do with them?". Save them and make a sweater? Nay. Use them to make a Jer down pillow? Nay. I couldn't think of anything. I mean every time I cut his hair I could save it and put it in a large baggie, but then he would grow up and be like, "Mom, why do I have a big bag of hair attached to my baby book?". Back in the garbage those beautiful curls went. I just couldn't think of anything that wouldn't seem creepy.
My two older kids have been losing teeth left and right as of late. When they loose a tooth they put it in a snack sized baggie and put it under their pillows for the tooth fairy. Now I cleaned my kitchen good the other day and on top of the fridge was several of these baggies of teeth. I even had others stashed out of sight in other places too. I said to Jim, "what should we do with all these teeth?". Again....didn't seem right to just throw them away. I said, " I know, I'll go get a small decorative bottle with a cork and display them next to their pictures!". Jim responded by saying, " you want to display a bottle of human teeth? Creepy." It's not creepy...just sentimental.
After each of my kids were born and their umbilical cords fell off, I wanted to save them and put them in their baby books. Jim would never let me. He said it was creepy and gross. Again, No...it's not creepy...just sentimental.
I guess I come by it honestly. Shortly after I moved away from home my Mom sent me a letter. We had a cat then named Buddy. He had gotten his paw hurt in a fight or something and eventually the whole claw fell off once it healed. In that letter my Mom sent his claw laminated with boxing tape on a piece of card stock. Not creepy...just sentimental. I also had a parakeet that I left at home when I moved away. A while later the poor thing finally died. We had had it for a while and it was old. They don't live but maybe 6-7 years. When it died my Mom wrapped it... ever so gently... in tissue paper, placed it in a check book box, and put it in her deep freezer. She wanted me to be able to see it and say goodbye. Not creepy...just sentimental. (sorry Mom, not even you're safe from my blog)
My oldest when he was about 2-3 fell and hit his head on the edge of a computer desk at his Grandma's house. It left a big cut on his forehead and had to go get stitches. Now when it came time for them to come out...the doctor put them between two pieces of tape and gave them to me. Without me even having to ask to keep them! He just automatically did it. Apparently I'm not the only freak in the world who likes to save weird stuff. So that was something I actually got to keep that my husband didn't dry heave about and tell me no. Let me hear you say it........Not creepy...just sentimental. That's right! Amen.
After
Before
After
Before
After
Now this is creepy
My two older kids have been losing teeth left and right as of late. When they loose a tooth they put it in a snack sized baggie and put it under their pillows for the tooth fairy. Now I cleaned my kitchen good the other day and on top of the fridge was several of these baggies of teeth. I even had others stashed out of sight in other places too. I said to Jim, "what should we do with all these teeth?". Again....didn't seem right to just throw them away. I said, " I know, I'll go get a small decorative bottle with a cork and display them next to their pictures!". Jim responded by saying, " you want to display a bottle of human teeth? Creepy." It's not creepy...just sentimental.
After each of my kids were born and their umbilical cords fell off, I wanted to save them and put them in their baby books. Jim would never let me. He said it was creepy and gross. Again, No...it's not creepy...just sentimental.
I guess I come by it honestly. Shortly after I moved away from home my Mom sent me a letter. We had a cat then named Buddy. He had gotten his paw hurt in a fight or something and eventually the whole claw fell off once it healed. In that letter my Mom sent his claw laminated with boxing tape on a piece of card stock. Not creepy...just sentimental. I also had a parakeet that I left at home when I moved away. A while later the poor thing finally died. We had had it for a while and it was old. They don't live but maybe 6-7 years. When it died my Mom wrapped it... ever so gently... in tissue paper, placed it in a check book box, and put it in her deep freezer. She wanted me to be able to see it and say goodbye. Not creepy...just sentimental. (sorry Mom, not even you're safe from my blog)
My oldest when he was about 2-3 fell and hit his head on the edge of a computer desk at his Grandma's house. It left a big cut on his forehead and had to go get stitches. Now when it came time for them to come out...the doctor put them between two pieces of tape and gave them to me. Without me even having to ask to keep them! He just automatically did it. Apparently I'm not the only freak in the world who likes to save weird stuff. So that was something I actually got to keep that my husband didn't dry heave about and tell me no. Let me hear you say it........Not creepy...just sentimental. That's right! Amen.
Before
Evie doesn't look any different cause I just evened up her ends.
Now this is creepy
Thursday, March 24, 2011
In Conclusion but Not the End
God has been teaching me many things concerning Himself as of late. How He works in me and my life and just plain who He really is. I've been freed from legalistic and performance based believing. I've expressed alot of this freedom in may of my posts. It could easily be confused that I have a passive and "oh well" attitude towards sin. Which is not the case as I explained in "Go With the Flow Continued". It's freedom from thinking that I can screw up bad enough or sin away anything concerning God in my life. Many Christians today teach a religion concerning Christ that is nothing more then rules and principles. (Post Fellowship vs. Principles)
I'll be honest, sometimes I avoid reading the Bible because on the surface in some places it can be confusing without knowing what context in which it was written. But that doesn't mean that God hasn't been teaching me. One of the freedoms in Christ is that I have the Word living inside me teaching me and causing me to grow. John 1:1 says, In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. Whether He teaches me through the written Word which is the Bible or through the living Word which is His Spirit living inside me, either teachings are priceless and valid. Not that I will always understand either correctly as I am human and imperfect. I'm not saying that reading the Bible is not necessary or of no use since we have the Word living inside us, but rather He teaches us both ways and both are as equally important and valid. Rather He uses them together to teach us. Many times God has taught me something through His Spirit and then some time later I find what He taught written when reading His Word.
Oswald Chambers puts it this way: When the Holy Spirit is in me, He will bring to my remembrance what Jesus has said and make His Words live. The Spirit enables me to assimilate the words of Jesus. The Holy Spirit exercises a remarkable power in that He will frequently take a text out of it's Bible setting and put it into the context of our life. We have all had the experience of a verse coming to us right out of the Bible setting and becoming alive in the setting of our own life, and that word becomes a precious, secret possession.
I believe that God teaches us two different ways: He teaches us through His Spirit (the living Word) and then when we find it in the written Word are then able to understand it because we've experienced it. Also he teaches by taking the written Word we've read and brings understanding through experience that takes place later on. Visa versa. God uses both His living Word and written Word together to bring understanding and growth. Both are just as important and valid and work together. They are different version of the same thing. The written Word and living Word are different forms yet are both the Word.
Religion today wants to put so much importance in doing all the pat Christian things and following all the steps and rules. There is importance in living out the Word in our lives, but they put more importance on doing rather than being first. Doing and being are both important, but you can't have the one without the other. We put more importance on acting like Christ then becoming like Christ which should come first. What good is it to us and those around us if we just simply act like Christ? It will only be surface deep and will ultimately fail because it's no different then putting on our Sunday best for an outward appearance. One of the biggest dangers in interpreting and teaching scripture is taking truths and putting them out of balance of each other.
If Christ were to return today He would find me being like Him through His Grace and Holy Spirit even though my behavior isn't always Christ like. That is true freedom, for where my behavior doesn't match up He has provided forgiveness and Grace. I not too long ago heard another Christian expressing deep guilt and frustration over all the times they fail over and over again. I thought how sad, because I used to be that way.(sometimes am still tempted to)( and don't wonder if it's you I'm talking about because this person doesn't even know I have a blog) I can't live a victorious life if all I do is keep track of how many times I fail. By doing that I am putting more importance on my performance then on the truth's of Christ's grace and forgiveness. Honestly anymore when I fail it doesn't just bring sorrow but brings such thankfulness to my heart because I know He's taken care of it all. I remember Joyce Meyer always saying, when you ask for forgiveness accept it and don't walk around carrying it with you all day when God has taken it from you. I don't just ask for forgiveness but I live in it. Living in grace and forgiveness brings freedom when it comes to the imperfections that only God can changed. Christ died not just for my sin but the also the guilt and shame of it. He took my sin and made it as if He commited them and they are no longer mine. My sin literally no longer belongs to me because He took it and made it His and then paid for it once and for all. His Word says that He has removed it as far as the East is from the West. Which when you think about it is a place that doesn't exist. He's taken my sin and made it as though it never even existed. Make Sense? I hope so.
This post has been all my other "churchy" posts wrapped into one, a conclusion so to speak. But I know there will be more to come as I grow further. I have an OCD type need to not just express myself but to feel that I've expressed myself fully. (and made sense) I wish there was a word or phrase that fully expresses all that God has freed me from and taught me. To say that God has freed me from legalism is only a small part of it. I have yet to find that word or phrase that fully coveys it. When it comes to my thankfulness and love towards God there really aren't any words that fit either. When the Bible says that the Holy Spirits intercedes for us with groans that we can not express, I believe it isn't just the hurts, requests, and needs, but the love and thankfulness we can't express with words. His Spirit expresses it for me in a way I never could.
I'll be honest, sometimes I avoid reading the Bible because on the surface in some places it can be confusing without knowing what context in which it was written. But that doesn't mean that God hasn't been teaching me. One of the freedoms in Christ is that I have the Word living inside me teaching me and causing me to grow. John 1:1 says, In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. Whether He teaches me through the written Word which is the Bible or through the living Word which is His Spirit living inside me, either teachings are priceless and valid. Not that I will always understand either correctly as I am human and imperfect. I'm not saying that reading the Bible is not necessary or of no use since we have the Word living inside us, but rather He teaches us both ways and both are as equally important and valid. Rather He uses them together to teach us. Many times God has taught me something through His Spirit and then some time later I find what He taught written when reading His Word.
Oswald Chambers puts it this way: When the Holy Spirit is in me, He will bring to my remembrance what Jesus has said and make His Words live. The Spirit enables me to assimilate the words of Jesus. The Holy Spirit exercises a remarkable power in that He will frequently take a text out of it's Bible setting and put it into the context of our life. We have all had the experience of a verse coming to us right out of the Bible setting and becoming alive in the setting of our own life, and that word becomes a precious, secret possession.
I believe that God teaches us two different ways: He teaches us through His Spirit (the living Word) and then when we find it in the written Word are then able to understand it because we've experienced it. Also he teaches by taking the written Word we've read and brings understanding through experience that takes place later on. Visa versa. God uses both His living Word and written Word together to bring understanding and growth. Both are just as important and valid and work together. They are different version of the same thing. The written Word and living Word are different forms yet are both the Word.
Religion today wants to put so much importance in doing all the pat Christian things and following all the steps and rules. There is importance in living out the Word in our lives, but they put more importance on doing rather than being first. Doing and being are both important, but you can't have the one without the other. We put more importance on acting like Christ then becoming like Christ which should come first. What good is it to us and those around us if we just simply act like Christ? It will only be surface deep and will ultimately fail because it's no different then putting on our Sunday best for an outward appearance. One of the biggest dangers in interpreting and teaching scripture is taking truths and putting them out of balance of each other.
If Christ were to return today He would find me being like Him through His Grace and Holy Spirit even though my behavior isn't always Christ like. That is true freedom, for where my behavior doesn't match up He has provided forgiveness and Grace. I not too long ago heard another Christian expressing deep guilt and frustration over all the times they fail over and over again. I thought how sad, because I used to be that way.(sometimes am still tempted to)( and don't wonder if it's you I'm talking about because this person doesn't even know I have a blog) I can't live a victorious life if all I do is keep track of how many times I fail. By doing that I am putting more importance on my performance then on the truth's of Christ's grace and forgiveness. Honestly anymore when I fail it doesn't just bring sorrow but brings such thankfulness to my heart because I know He's taken care of it all. I remember Joyce Meyer always saying, when you ask for forgiveness accept it and don't walk around carrying it with you all day when God has taken it from you. I don't just ask for forgiveness but I live in it. Living in grace and forgiveness brings freedom when it comes to the imperfections that only God can changed. Christ died not just for my sin but the also the guilt and shame of it. He took my sin and made it as if He commited them and they are no longer mine. My sin literally no longer belongs to me because He took it and made it His and then paid for it once and for all. His Word says that He has removed it as far as the East is from the West. Which when you think about it is a place that doesn't exist. He's taken my sin and made it as though it never even existed. Make Sense? I hope so.
This post has been all my other "churchy" posts wrapped into one, a conclusion so to speak. But I know there will be more to come as I grow further. I have an OCD type need to not just express myself but to feel that I've expressed myself fully. (and made sense) I wish there was a word or phrase that fully expresses all that God has freed me from and taught me. To say that God has freed me from legalism is only a small part of it. I have yet to find that word or phrase that fully coveys it. When it comes to my thankfulness and love towards God there really aren't any words that fit either. When the Bible says that the Holy Spirits intercedes for us with groans that we can not express, I believe it isn't just the hurts, requests, and needs, but the love and thankfulness we can't express with words. His Spirit expresses it for me in a way I never could.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Not Quite What I Had Planned
Yesterday was such a productive day which I planned on continuing into today. Then the phone rang early this morning. It was the school saying that school was canceled for today. Snow Days, oh how I hate them. Weekends are bad enough especially when Jim's working, but during the week when I'm only supposed to have the two at home! Mayjor suckage. Joyce Meyer always says, "Life is what happens when you have other things planned". Jim tries to irritate me by quoting that.
One of those unplanned things has me feeling a little funky. We got a letter from the IRS the other day. In 2009 we paid off a credit card and they took off the amount of the interest and penalties so all that was left was the original balance. We did automatic monthly payments until it was paid. The letter from the IRS says that the amount taken off we now owe tax on in the amount of $900. They're looking at that amount we didn't have to pay as if it were income. Now I'm not very savvy with this kind of stuff so maybe that won't surprise any of you, but it was definitely not something I had planned on having to deal with. I'd like to think it's not going to be something they expect us to pay all at once. Jim's job is bringing in more income then he's previous job, but not that much. That's alot of money to have all at once. We don't have our savings built up yet with this job. Oh well, no sense worrying about right now. It'll get taken care of.
I had planned on going to Walmart for groceries today and picking out my new nose ring since I can change it out this Friday. It's been two weeks since I had it done. It's a diamond stud he used to pierce it with, but it's bigger than the stud I want. I saw a much smaller and delicate one at Walmart when I was there last.
My day brightened up a bit when the awesome 80's at noon came on the radio. It just so happens that I was wearing my Jon Bon Jovi jeans today. Holes every where and a big slit underneath my butt cheek. I may be 25 pounds heavier than I was this time last year, but I can still rock them. First Skid Row's song " I Remember You" came on, then George Micheal's "Faith", and my personal favorite, "Footloose". I was dancing just like Kevin Bacon did in the movie. My legs kicking and arms flailing. I did all this while sweeping and mopping my kitchen floor.
As much as this may have brightened up my day it was unfortunately short lived. Reality of the sucky day kicked back in. Kids fighting, Evie screaming her head off as usual, and the satisfaction of yesterday's work gone. At least my kids look nice from their haircuts, but I'm sure that will wear off to.
Small groups at church got canceled cause of the weather, so I won't even get to see any of my friends today. Was looking so forward to that.
Does it sound like I've given up on the day? Yeah, pretty much have. Just getting through til nap time. Oh blessed nap time, you're always there for me. Maybe footloose will come on again.
One of those unplanned things has me feeling a little funky. We got a letter from the IRS the other day. In 2009 we paid off a credit card and they took off the amount of the interest and penalties so all that was left was the original balance. We did automatic monthly payments until it was paid. The letter from the IRS says that the amount taken off we now owe tax on in the amount of $900. They're looking at that amount we didn't have to pay as if it were income. Now I'm not very savvy with this kind of stuff so maybe that won't surprise any of you, but it was definitely not something I had planned on having to deal with. I'd like to think it's not going to be something they expect us to pay all at once. Jim's job is bringing in more income then he's previous job, but not that much. That's alot of money to have all at once. We don't have our savings built up yet with this job. Oh well, no sense worrying about right now. It'll get taken care of.
I had planned on going to Walmart for groceries today and picking out my new nose ring since I can change it out this Friday. It's been two weeks since I had it done. It's a diamond stud he used to pierce it with, but it's bigger than the stud I want. I saw a much smaller and delicate one at Walmart when I was there last.
My day brightened up a bit when the awesome 80's at noon came on the radio. It just so happens that I was wearing my Jon Bon Jovi jeans today. Holes every where and a big slit underneath my butt cheek. I may be 25 pounds heavier than I was this time last year, but I can still rock them. First Skid Row's song " I Remember You" came on, then George Micheal's "Faith", and my personal favorite, "Footloose". I was dancing just like Kevin Bacon did in the movie. My legs kicking and arms flailing. I did all this while sweeping and mopping my kitchen floor.
As much as this may have brightened up my day it was unfortunately short lived. Reality of the sucky day kicked back in. Kids fighting, Evie screaming her head off as usual, and the satisfaction of yesterday's work gone. At least my kids look nice from their haircuts, but I'm sure that will wear off to.
Small groups at church got canceled cause of the weather, so I won't even get to see any of my friends today. Was looking so forward to that.
Does it sound like I've given up on the day? Yeah, pretty much have. Just getting through til nap time. Oh blessed nap time, you're always there for me. Maybe footloose will come on again.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Good Day
I love the feeling at the end of a day full of hard work. I can't say I enjoy doing the work but at least there's that feeling of satisfaction when it's done. I painted Evie's, and soon to be Deb's as well, room today. Took me a good part of the day but it's done. When I have everything hung on the wall and put together I'll post a pic. I want to try to find a set of bunk beds for them cause the room is rather small. If anybody knows of a set send it my way :)
I've put in place a goal of getting things organized and done that I've been putting off, after all it is the title of my blog. I'm like the queen of procrastination. If the house is messy and a wreck, I'm a royal witch. I'll keep you posted on my progress, and I'm sure my many episodes of witchiness.
I ended the day with giving everyone a haircut. First Logan, then Deb, Jer whined til I cut his cause he wanted to go first, and then evened up Evie's. I planned on cutting Jim's but it got to late. Tomorrow is another day I guess. Too bad I can't cut my own hair - that would be convenient. Guess I'll have to wait until next week when Jim has off again.
I've put in place a goal of getting things organized and done that I've been putting off, after all it is the title of my blog. I'm like the queen of procrastination. If the house is messy and a wreck, I'm a royal witch. I'll keep you posted on my progress, and I'm sure my many episodes of witchiness.
I ended the day with giving everyone a haircut. First Logan, then Deb, Jer whined til I cut his cause he wanted to go first, and then evened up Evie's. I planned on cutting Jim's but it got to late. Tomorrow is another day I guess. Too bad I can't cut my own hair - that would be convenient. Guess I'll have to wait until next week when Jim has off again.
Jim went shooting today with his cousin and a friend. They were gone 4-5 hours. Can't say I was completely thrilled to be left at the house with the kids on his day off but I'm glad they all had a good time. Boys and their toys.
The day went pretty good other then the fact that I did a load of laundry that went wrong. Apparently in a pair of Evie's pants was a pull-up I didn't notice and it got washed with the clothes. When I went to put them in the dryer I discovered they were covered with this clear jellied substance. Nice.....sigh.
We'll see what kind of trouble I can get myself into tomorrow.
Shawn G. shooting a 454
Monday, March 21, 2011
Heart Issue
Yesterday was Sunday. During the worship time we sang a song that had to do with loving God and not the world. The chorus had a part in it that struck me. It said "if you love the world the love of God is not in you". I don't think I agree with that per-say. We all struggle with our own versions of things in the world that we love and should let go of. I don't believe if that's an area we struggle with that the love of God is not in us. I feel like that's more a statement meant for non-Christians not for believers. Not that we should walk around telling non believers that the love of God is not in them. That will just push people farther away.
Alot of times I think about David. With all the horrible things he did, which I think we are all familiar with so I won't list them off, he had a heart for God. Look at the previous King Saul. God over threw him and completely rejected him. Why was what he did any worse then what David did? I think the difference was their hearts. That and David eventually repented but I believe that he repented because he had a heart for God.
When Jesus would answer questions presented to Him he would often answer with parables and in ways not expected. He was addressing the heart issue behind the question and person asking it. Sometimes His answers seem a little confusing considering what was asked.
I really believe God is more interested with our hearts then our behavior. When our hearts are changed our behavior will follow. I also don't believe there are stipulations to having the love of God in us or having the blessings of God in our lives. I don't believe God punishes us because we're not faithful enough or aren't doing everything right. When ever I would get really sick or go through a hard time I always felt as though God was mad at me and punishing me. Yes there are at times earthly consequences to our sin. We can hurt ourselves and those around us and then have to deal with that, but even then God's involved in fixing it. He does not punish or smite us. Even when there are rough things we are going through He uses it in ways we can't even imagine. He doesn't stop everything that's considered bad or hard from taking place, which at times can be hard to understand especially when we are going through them.
A few years ago I shared with our pastor's wife something my husband struggled with. A while later when talking about the financial struggles we were having at that time she asked if he was still struggling. She said that God won't bless us if we have known sin our lives. Poppy Cock. At the time it really discouraged me and made me feel resentful towards Jim like our troubles were all his fault. Thank God it didn't take long for Him to set me straight with that. Isn't it amazing all the non-sense notions we can have about who God is and how He works?
I know that there are alot of things that need changed in my life, but I can confidently say my heart is His. This Sunday's sermon was about the Kingdom of God and awaiting His return. Many times when we think about His return we worry about being ready. Him finding us ready and doing everything as we should. We almost treat it as something to deeply live in fear of. If Christ returns in my lifetime He may find me screaming at my kids, or standing in the grocery line judging the woman ahead of me who's wearing her pajama bottoms and fuzzy slippers. No matter where I am or what I'm doing it will not surprise or shock Him because no matter what I'm doing I can be sure that my heart is His and that's what He wants to find. I'm not going to live my life in fear that Christ may return when I'm having a not so good moment. No matter what "moment or episode" I'm having He will find a heart that belongs to Him.
When I stand before God when my life ends I don't believe it will be with my head held down in shame because of all my naughtiness I had on earth. I believe I will be looking up into the face of my Father with joyful astonishment at all His glory as He says to me, it is finished.
Alot of times I think about David. With all the horrible things he did, which I think we are all familiar with so I won't list them off, he had a heart for God. Look at the previous King Saul. God over threw him and completely rejected him. Why was what he did any worse then what David did? I think the difference was their hearts. That and David eventually repented but I believe that he repented because he had a heart for God.
When Jesus would answer questions presented to Him he would often answer with parables and in ways not expected. He was addressing the heart issue behind the question and person asking it. Sometimes His answers seem a little confusing considering what was asked.
I really believe God is more interested with our hearts then our behavior. When our hearts are changed our behavior will follow. I also don't believe there are stipulations to having the love of God in us or having the blessings of God in our lives. I don't believe God punishes us because we're not faithful enough or aren't doing everything right. When ever I would get really sick or go through a hard time I always felt as though God was mad at me and punishing me. Yes there are at times earthly consequences to our sin. We can hurt ourselves and those around us and then have to deal with that, but even then God's involved in fixing it. He does not punish or smite us. Even when there are rough things we are going through He uses it in ways we can't even imagine. He doesn't stop everything that's considered bad or hard from taking place, which at times can be hard to understand especially when we are going through them.
A few years ago I shared with our pastor's wife something my husband struggled with. A while later when talking about the financial struggles we were having at that time she asked if he was still struggling. She said that God won't bless us if we have known sin our lives. Poppy Cock. At the time it really discouraged me and made me feel resentful towards Jim like our troubles were all his fault. Thank God it didn't take long for Him to set me straight with that. Isn't it amazing all the non-sense notions we can have about who God is and how He works?
I know that there are alot of things that need changed in my life, but I can confidently say my heart is His. This Sunday's sermon was about the Kingdom of God and awaiting His return. Many times when we think about His return we worry about being ready. Him finding us ready and doing everything as we should. We almost treat it as something to deeply live in fear of. If Christ returns in my lifetime He may find me screaming at my kids, or standing in the grocery line judging the woman ahead of me who's wearing her pajama bottoms and fuzzy slippers. No matter where I am or what I'm doing it will not surprise or shock Him because no matter what I'm doing I can be sure that my heart is His and that's what He wants to find. I'm not going to live my life in fear that Christ may return when I'm having a not so good moment. No matter what "moment or episode" I'm having He will find a heart that belongs to Him.
When I stand before God when my life ends I don't believe it will be with my head held down in shame because of all my naughtiness I had on earth. I believe I will be looking up into the face of my Father with joyful astonishment at all His glory as He says to me, it is finished.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
I Should Have Named Her Jezebel
This post is not for the squeamish. It contains very "girly" content that's not for the faint of heart. (That means you Dad, might want to skip this one) Continue if you dare.
Everyone who sees my little two year old always says how cute and sweet she is. If they only knew! I've often joked about how if the Bible didn't already state that the anti-christ was going to be male that I would be worried. Then again it also does talk about a woman who rides on a scarlet beast holding a golden cup of "accursed" offenses. That could be her. She is full of accursed offenses.
Let me share a few. The other morning she got her own cereal, without my knowledge of course. There was Life cereal all over the floor, table, and a bowl full to the brim. Doesn't sound that bad? Let me continue.
She was in the bathroom the other day "going potty". Jim went in to check on her. He found her standing in front of the toilet, closet door open with an unwrapped tampon trying to......ah-hem. I know some girls get there monthly's for the first time a little earlier than others, but two? I don't think so. There was a previous time where she took pads out of the closet, unwrapped them and stuck them to the floor. I'm still trying to get the sticky residue off. Nail polish remover didn't work, alcohol didn't work, not even a magic eraser would work. Boy when they advertise that they stay in place when you wear them they're not kidding.
Just today she some how got a hold of a permanent black marker. She now has drawn on eyebrows. You know the kind that old ladies have because they pluck all the hairs just so they can then draw ones on and constantly have that "surprised" look. I got to it while it was still fresh and got most of it off thankfully.
Most of you know that one of my hobbies is that I make jewelry. She one day went into my room, climbed on top of my dresser, and proceeded to take my handmade necklaces hanging above and rip them apart one by one. I wanted to cry. Nobody, but nobody messes with my accessories. They are what make the outfit. She ruined all but two. Evilness in it's entirety.
Now on to her table manners. She thinks mashed potatoes are shampoo, soup is for washing her hands in, and baked beans are for putting in her butt crack. I'm not kidding, one night while having beans and weenies for supper, she took off her diaper. When I got her down from the table she walked in the living room to get a new diaper and as she walked away I saw these little rabbit terd things falling on the floor as she walked. Now maybe she knows something the rest of us don't concerning baked beans in the butt crack, but I highly doubt it. Not going to try to find out.
This child wreaks havoc where ever she goes. Nothing is safe or sacred in her unending path of destruction. I wonder if they have juvie for two year olds? Supper Nanny where are you?!!! I need you!
Everyone who sees my little two year old always says how cute and sweet she is. If they only knew! I've often joked about how if the Bible didn't already state that the anti-christ was going to be male that I would be worried. Then again it also does talk about a woman who rides on a scarlet beast holding a golden cup of "accursed" offenses. That could be her. She is full of accursed offenses.
Let me share a few. The other morning she got her own cereal, without my knowledge of course. There was Life cereal all over the floor, table, and a bowl full to the brim. Doesn't sound that bad? Let me continue.
She was in the bathroom the other day "going potty". Jim went in to check on her. He found her standing in front of the toilet, closet door open with an unwrapped tampon trying to......ah-hem. I know some girls get there monthly's for the first time a little earlier than others, but two? I don't think so. There was a previous time where she took pads out of the closet, unwrapped them and stuck them to the floor. I'm still trying to get the sticky residue off. Nail polish remover didn't work, alcohol didn't work, not even a magic eraser would work. Boy when they advertise that they stay in place when you wear them they're not kidding.
Just today she some how got a hold of a permanent black marker. She now has drawn on eyebrows. You know the kind that old ladies have because they pluck all the hairs just so they can then draw ones on and constantly have that "surprised" look. I got to it while it was still fresh and got most of it off thankfully.
Most of you know that one of my hobbies is that I make jewelry. She one day went into my room, climbed on top of my dresser, and proceeded to take my handmade necklaces hanging above and rip them apart one by one. I wanted to cry. Nobody, but nobody messes with my accessories. They are what make the outfit. She ruined all but two. Evilness in it's entirety.
Now on to her table manners. She thinks mashed potatoes are shampoo, soup is for washing her hands in, and baked beans are for putting in her butt crack. I'm not kidding, one night while having beans and weenies for supper, she took off her diaper. When I got her down from the table she walked in the living room to get a new diaper and as she walked away I saw these little rabbit terd things falling on the floor as she walked. Now maybe she knows something the rest of us don't concerning baked beans in the butt crack, but I highly doubt it. Not going to try to find out.
This child wreaks havoc where ever she goes. Nothing is safe or sacred in her unending path of destruction. I wonder if they have juvie for two year olds? Supper Nanny where are you?!!! I need you!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
White Trailor Trash Continued
Most of you know that my husband got a "new to him" truck. It's a beast. Huge! I had the privledge of taking a friend shopping in it the other week. Boy did we get some looks.
The last two days Jim's been working in the shop and yesterday he came home early cause there wasn't any work left to do in the shop for the day. I was in the bedroom putting away laundry when I heard the truck coming up the drive. Hard not to hear the beast coming. In a matter of seconds I heard this loud bang and the whole trailer shook. I thought omg, what did the kids do! One of them has to be dead after a boom like that. I went running out of my bedroom in a panic to find the kids o-kay and everything in the house intact. That loud boom that made the whole trailer shake was Jim backing his truck up into the trailer. That's right, he hit the trailer. I opened the door and saw him coming up the steps with a big grin on his face. He had the same look my cat does when he brings a dead mouse to the porch. So proud of himself. No damage to the trailer or the beast.
It was at that moment I fully realized my husband is just as white trailer trashy as I am. I knew he was a redneck, but that has bled over into trailer trash. Could it be that I've rubbed off on him or was it just always there. Give my husband a big truck and anything that goes boom (aka his hand cannon) and he's happier than a pig insh....well you know what.
I guess this shouldn't surprise me considering this is the same guy who would go on bumpy, muddy mountains roads, riding on top of the vehicle, hanging on for dear life while his buddy drove 50 miles an hour. That's my redneck! Who can resist those dimples.
The last two days Jim's been working in the shop and yesterday he came home early cause there wasn't any work left to do in the shop for the day. I was in the bedroom putting away laundry when I heard the truck coming up the drive. Hard not to hear the beast coming. In a matter of seconds I heard this loud bang and the whole trailer shook. I thought omg, what did the kids do! One of them has to be dead after a boom like that. I went running out of my bedroom in a panic to find the kids o-kay and everything in the house intact. That loud boom that made the whole trailer shake was Jim backing his truck up into the trailer. That's right, he hit the trailer. I opened the door and saw him coming up the steps with a big grin on his face. He had the same look my cat does when he brings a dead mouse to the porch. So proud of himself. No damage to the trailer or the beast.
It was at that moment I fully realized my husband is just as white trailer trashy as I am. I knew he was a redneck, but that has bled over into trailer trash. Could it be that I've rubbed off on him or was it just always there. Give my husband a big truck and anything that goes boom (aka his hand cannon) and he's happier than a pig in
I guess this shouldn't surprise me considering this is the same guy who would go on bumpy, muddy mountains roads, riding on top of the vehicle, hanging on for dear life while his buddy drove 50 miles an hour. That's my redneck! Who can resist those dimples.
Go With the Flow Continued
My husband Jim is my biggest blog follower. He's always checking and asking me if I've wrote anything new. He read the first part of Go With the flow and understood what I was saying because he knows me, but thought it could be misunderstood by others. So I wanted to clarify a couple things concerning that.
I was speaking about going with the flow with God not our sin. We can not stop ourselves from sinning by simply fighting it, if we could we wouldn't need Jesus. We can do our best to resist what we know to be wrong and sinful, but we are going to have times where we'll fail. We shouldn't have an oh well attitude towards our sin, but we also shouldn't hold on to it trying to fight it in our own strength. Rather hold on to the One who prunes it from us and not feel condemned when we do fall. God is not some serious business man that gets frustrated with our weakness because it messes up His agenda. His word says he is long suffering and patient with us and I believe in most cases we disappoint ourselves more than we do God. He wants us to go through the valleys of our sin with Him knowing full well our performance is not going to be perfect. It is more affective concerning our sin to hold onto Him then spend so much time, energy and frustration putting all our attention on constantly battling it. We all know that it is God that brings and causes the change. I gave an example of a person who I had bad feelings towards and instead of focusing on my feelings I focused on Him. It was God that brought the change.
It goes back to my writing on having fellowship with God. When we're staying in fellowship with God He brings change to all areas of our life without having to focus on all the things wrong with us. There is not one area of our lives He won't touch with His Spirit and the most important thing we can do is stay in fellowship with him.
Sometimes my sin feels like little annoying, buzzing bees flying all around my head. The more time I spend swatting at them the more frantic they buzz. God is the ultimate Raid. Which is of better use of my time? Swatting in my own strength or go to the exterminator?
In order to truly take hold of God we need to let go of our sin and put it in His hands and quit worrying about having a perfect performance.
I hope this clarifies any confusion the first part may cause.
I was speaking about going with the flow with God not our sin. We can not stop ourselves from sinning by simply fighting it, if we could we wouldn't need Jesus. We can do our best to resist what we know to be wrong and sinful, but we are going to have times where we'll fail. We shouldn't have an oh well attitude towards our sin, but we also shouldn't hold on to it trying to fight it in our own strength. Rather hold on to the One who prunes it from us and not feel condemned when we do fall. God is not some serious business man that gets frustrated with our weakness because it messes up His agenda. His word says he is long suffering and patient with us and I believe in most cases we disappoint ourselves more than we do God. He wants us to go through the valleys of our sin with Him knowing full well our performance is not going to be perfect. It is more affective concerning our sin to hold onto Him then spend so much time, energy and frustration putting all our attention on constantly battling it. We all know that it is God that brings and causes the change. I gave an example of a person who I had bad feelings towards and instead of focusing on my feelings I focused on Him. It was God that brought the change.
It goes back to my writing on having fellowship with God. When we're staying in fellowship with God He brings change to all areas of our life without having to focus on all the things wrong with us. There is not one area of our lives He won't touch with His Spirit and the most important thing we can do is stay in fellowship with him.
Sometimes my sin feels like little annoying, buzzing bees flying all around my head. The more time I spend swatting at them the more frantic they buzz. God is the ultimate Raid. Which is of better use of my time? Swatting in my own strength or go to the exterminator?
In order to truly take hold of God we need to let go of our sin and put it in His hands and quit worrying about having a perfect performance.
I hope this clarifies any confusion the first part may cause.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Go With The Flow
There are so many titles I could have given this post that would have fit. "Stop and Just Breathe", "Relax and Just Chill", ect, ect, ect..... All would fit but I like the one I picked.
How many times I have said to myself, "What's wrong with you". How many times have I labeled myself a failure, or looked at everything that's wrong with me. Wondered how long am I going to be like this? Why are we so hard on ourselves?
We all have things about us that aren't so pretty, and that God has to be the one to change.
There were times I had been so afraid of any of it slipping out. I used to be wound up so tight inside you couldn't pull a pin out of my "spiritual butt" with a tractor. So afraid of falling into bad attitudes and bad behavior. I felt like I was choking myself, I spiritually wasn't able to breathe because I was squeezing so tight. The thing is all that is putting importance on my performance.
God has really freed me from that. He died not just for my sin but also the guilt and shame of it. His word says he has given us a robe of His righteousness. What does that mean? It means it cover us and all our weakness, imperfections, and all the times we quote "fail". I really think that when we do fail we're disappointing ourselves more then we are God. He knows that sin is going to be a part of our lives as long as we are here, that's why He sent His Son - so that we may be set free from it. I didn't used to understand that concept of being free from our sin when we still commit them. I do now.
Why do we assume that in order to be "walking" with God it has to feel like we're climbing a steep mountain, in the hot sun with nothing to drink, in our bare feet, on jagged rocks? I used to say concerning my Christian life, "It's just so hard". I had a great misinterpretation of God's changing me. I was trying to "choke" out the weeds in me instead of letting go and grabbing hold of the great pruner Himself.
I had a situation recently where I had bad feelings towards another Christian. I wasn't overly concerned with feeling the way I did. I just let go of it and went about my business. I kept focusing on God and my fellowship with Him. It wasn't long after that I saw this person and guess what? They didn't bother me anymore. I was free from my critical and hard feelings. The way I would have handled this situation before would have been to beat my head against a wall trying to force myself to stop having those feelings towards them. After all having hateful feelings towards someone is a sin. I would have been, " I must not allow this ".
We can't stop ourselves from sinning. Instead I give myself the freedom to go through it even if that means committing that sin. Uh-oh. Is that statement sending up red flags in your brain. Let me explain further then. When I was in labor with any of my many children they told me to relax and not fight the contractions. The contractions help dilate you and fighting them slows down the process and makes them less effective. That's what I was doing in my Christain life. I was so busy fighting every little thing it just slowed down what God wanted to do in me. Where there is sin there is also Grace and just as Paul said that doesn't give us a license to sin. So that's not what I'm saying, rather we can't stop sin by fighting it. We have to go through it. Our sin is already taken care of, why be afraid of sin coming out in our lives when it's going to anyways. We all have a desire not to sin against the God we love. That desire and love brings obedience rather then fear. For instance we don't scold our children for falling down when they are learning to walk. We let them go through the process and let them fall because that's what helps them learn. I believe God has the same attitude towards us. When we fall He doesn't say, " why the hell did you do that?" He lovingly extends His hand and says, " let's take another stab at it." He gives us the freedom to fall down, why should we give ourselves anything less. By falling and failing with our sin it produces a very wonderful thing...a true desire to not do it anymore and a lesson learned. Unfortunately most of us have to learn the hard way. I know I do...I'm a product of the school of hard knocks.
We all know the term go with the flow, and it's usually referred to as a bad thing. We think of going with the flow of the world and people. Instead I'm going with the flow of God. It's a much smoother ride than we all might think. No mountain, no dehydration, no jagged rocks. Christ is the river of life and it's a more peaceful and joyful ride going with the flow of His currents. We don't even have to waste energy paddling, just enjoy the ride and stay in the boat.
In a previous post I explained that God changing me felt so stifling. Boy has that changed. I feel more free than ever before. No longer climbing a mountain but feel like I'm smooth sailing. I expressed this at a recent small groups meeting. Everyone probably thought what a sappy, corny geek. Well...I am...and proud of it. This way of living can be a little scary because it means being transparent. There is a great possibility of being looked down on and judged. For a great example of transparent living check out my friend at College Ruled Mom. This freedom however is not worth giving up for presenting a perfect picture for people to see. Yes, they'll see the faults but they will also see the change as it happens. Whatever you may be struggling with...let go of it and grab hold of the One who will take care of it for you. It's His job not yours, so relax, and quit stressing. It's worth it.
How many times I have said to myself, "What's wrong with you". How many times have I labeled myself a failure, or looked at everything that's wrong with me. Wondered how long am I going to be like this? Why are we so hard on ourselves?
We all have things about us that aren't so pretty, and that God has to be the one to change.
There were times I had been so afraid of any of it slipping out. I used to be wound up so tight inside you couldn't pull a pin out of my "spiritual butt" with a tractor. So afraid of falling into bad attitudes and bad behavior. I felt like I was choking myself, I spiritually wasn't able to breathe because I was squeezing so tight. The thing is all that is putting importance on my performance.
God has really freed me from that. He died not just for my sin but also the guilt and shame of it. His word says he has given us a robe of His righteousness. What does that mean? It means it cover us and all our weakness, imperfections, and all the times we quote "fail". I really think that when we do fail we're disappointing ourselves more then we are God. He knows that sin is going to be a part of our lives as long as we are here, that's why He sent His Son - so that we may be set free from it. I didn't used to understand that concept of being free from our sin when we still commit them. I do now.
Why do we assume that in order to be "walking" with God it has to feel like we're climbing a steep mountain, in the hot sun with nothing to drink, in our bare feet, on jagged rocks? I used to say concerning my Christian life, "It's just so hard". I had a great misinterpretation of God's changing me. I was trying to "choke" out the weeds in me instead of letting go and grabbing hold of the great pruner Himself.
I had a situation recently where I had bad feelings towards another Christian. I wasn't overly concerned with feeling the way I did. I just let go of it and went about my business. I kept focusing on God and my fellowship with Him. It wasn't long after that I saw this person and guess what? They didn't bother me anymore. I was free from my critical and hard feelings. The way I would have handled this situation before would have been to beat my head against a wall trying to force myself to stop having those feelings towards them. After all having hateful feelings towards someone is a sin. I would have been, " I must not allow this ".
We can't stop ourselves from sinning. Instead I give myself the freedom to go through it even if that means committing that sin. Uh-oh. Is that statement sending up red flags in your brain. Let me explain further then. When I was in labor with any of my many children they told me to relax and not fight the contractions. The contractions help dilate you and fighting them slows down the process and makes them less effective. That's what I was doing in my Christain life. I was so busy fighting every little thing it just slowed down what God wanted to do in me. Where there is sin there is also Grace and just as Paul said that doesn't give us a license to sin. So that's not what I'm saying, rather we can't stop sin by fighting it. We have to go through it. Our sin is already taken care of, why be afraid of sin coming out in our lives when it's going to anyways. We all have a desire not to sin against the God we love. That desire and love brings obedience rather then fear. For instance we don't scold our children for falling down when they are learning to walk. We let them go through the process and let them fall because that's what helps them learn. I believe God has the same attitude towards us. When we fall He doesn't say, " why the hell did you do that?" He lovingly extends His hand and says, " let's take another stab at it." He gives us the freedom to fall down, why should we give ourselves anything less. By falling and failing with our sin it produces a very wonderful thing...a true desire to not do it anymore and a lesson learned. Unfortunately most of us have to learn the hard way. I know I do...I'm a product of the school of hard knocks.
We all know the term go with the flow, and it's usually referred to as a bad thing. We think of going with the flow of the world and people. Instead I'm going with the flow of God. It's a much smoother ride than we all might think. No mountain, no dehydration, no jagged rocks. Christ is the river of life and it's a more peaceful and joyful ride going with the flow of His currents. We don't even have to waste energy paddling, just enjoy the ride and stay in the boat.
In a previous post I explained that God changing me felt so stifling. Boy has that changed. I feel more free than ever before. No longer climbing a mountain but feel like I'm smooth sailing. I expressed this at a recent small groups meeting. Everyone probably thought what a sappy, corny geek. Well...I am...and proud of it. This way of living can be a little scary because it means being transparent. There is a great possibility of being looked down on and judged. For a great example of transparent living check out my friend at College Ruled Mom. This freedom however is not worth giving up for presenting a perfect picture for people to see. Yes, they'll see the faults but they will also see the change as it happens. Whatever you may be struggling with...let go of it and grab hold of the One who will take care of it for you. It's His job not yours, so relax, and quit stressing. It's worth it.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
If I Were a Tree it Would Be a Maple Cause I'm Full of Sapp
As I was laying in bed last night I was thinking about all my friends and how thankful I am to have them. We all have a lot in common. We have good guys we're married to, we each have 4 kids that drive us crazy, and we all have a wicked fashion sense.
Friendships like this is something I haven't always had though. After I started homeschooling as a kid I got a few phone calls from girls at school when I wasn't there on the first day. Never heard from them again. Except there was this one girl I was friends with and she did keep in touch. Her name was Julie. We kept in contact for quite some time. Later on we attended a church that had a good sized youth group with a lot of girls in it, but because I didn't grow up in that church like they did I was shunned. I wasn't part of their click. A couple years after that we moved to the Wellsboro area and eventually met a girl there who ended up being psycho. To explain further on that one would be another blog post altogether.
It's actually only been these last couple of years that I've finally had what you'd describe as real friends. I've struggled sometimes with feeling like a second rate friend though. The friend you only do stuff with when everyone else is busy and such. I think that stems back to a time I had a friend over to swim in our swimming hole out back. While she was over she got a phone call from a snobby friend, who I don't think liked me very much, and wanted her to go do something with her. My "friend" ran upstairs before we even had a chance to go swimming and changed back into her clothes and then left. My feelings weren't just hurt - I was pissed. Who does that? So rude! I think that lack of acceptance by the girls in the youth group and the other girl getting a better offer from her other friend has stuck with me. My friends now haven't done anything to make me feel like a second rate friend - it's just the way I've viewed myself. I've often wondered because they have other friends from their past if my friendship means as much to them as theirs does to me. I suppose wondering that is my own pride wanting to feel important and special. Bad Becky, bad. (I'm slapping my wrist right now)
If anything, not ever having friends like this before has made me value, appreciate, and hopefully reciprocate that friendship. I was just explaining the meaning of palaver to my one friend who's never heard that term before. To anyone else who's not familiar with it it basically means fake and shallow. Fake, shallow, and insincere concern or attention of any kind. I've received that through many other "friendships" in the past which is why I value the ones I now have. The friendships I have now are real and genuine. My one friend every time I see her she gives me a hug and kiss on the cheek. She's a very thoughtful and sweet person and I appreciate her.
I value and love each one of my friends equally and hope I make them all feel that way.
Now I know this has been a little on the sappy side but you have to let it come out every now and again. I can't just be weird and funny all the time even though I'm good at it, especially the weird part. I guess the weird part is just the Baldwin coming out in me. My name may be be Andrus now but I still have Baldwin blood flowing through my veins. Maybe I should change it to Rebekah Baldwin-Andrus.
Back to my friends, I can just see us all sitting around together as old ladies. I wonder which one of us is going to get the first set of falsies, go senile , break a hip, use a walker, or get a handicap sticker for our car. How about becoming a Grandmother first? Oooooooh, I'm going to leave that one alone.
It isn't the coffee that makes our get togethers good, it's the time spent together that makes the coffee extra good. Good idea, I think I'll go make some now.
Friendships like this is something I haven't always had though. After I started homeschooling as a kid I got a few phone calls from girls at school when I wasn't there on the first day. Never heard from them again. Except there was this one girl I was friends with and she did keep in touch. Her name was Julie. We kept in contact for quite some time. Later on we attended a church that had a good sized youth group with a lot of girls in it, but because I didn't grow up in that church like they did I was shunned. I wasn't part of their click. A couple years after that we moved to the Wellsboro area and eventually met a girl there who ended up being psycho. To explain further on that one would be another blog post altogether.
It's actually only been these last couple of years that I've finally had what you'd describe as real friends. I've struggled sometimes with feeling like a second rate friend though. The friend you only do stuff with when everyone else is busy and such. I think that stems back to a time I had a friend over to swim in our swimming hole out back. While she was over she got a phone call from a snobby friend, who I don't think liked me very much, and wanted her to go do something with her. My "friend" ran upstairs before we even had a chance to go swimming and changed back into her clothes and then left. My feelings weren't just hurt - I was pissed. Who does that? So rude! I think that lack of acceptance by the girls in the youth group and the other girl getting a better offer from her other friend has stuck with me. My friends now haven't done anything to make me feel like a second rate friend - it's just the way I've viewed myself. I've often wondered because they have other friends from their past if my friendship means as much to them as theirs does to me. I suppose wondering that is my own pride wanting to feel important and special. Bad Becky, bad. (I'm slapping my wrist right now)
If anything, not ever having friends like this before has made me value, appreciate, and hopefully reciprocate that friendship. I was just explaining the meaning of palaver to my one friend who's never heard that term before. To anyone else who's not familiar with it it basically means fake and shallow. Fake, shallow, and insincere concern or attention of any kind. I've received that through many other "friendships" in the past which is why I value the ones I now have. The friendships I have now are real and genuine. My one friend every time I see her she gives me a hug and kiss on the cheek. She's a very thoughtful and sweet person and I appreciate her.
I value and love each one of my friends equally and hope I make them all feel that way.
Now I know this has been a little on the sappy side but you have to let it come out every now and again. I can't just be weird and funny all the time even though I'm good at it, especially the weird part. I guess the weird part is just the Baldwin coming out in me. My name may be be Andrus now but I still have Baldwin blood flowing through my veins. Maybe I should change it to Rebekah Baldwin-Andrus.
Back to my friends, I can just see us all sitting around together as old ladies. I wonder which one of us is going to get the first set of falsies, go senile , break a hip, use a walker, or get a handicap sticker for our car. How about becoming a Grandmother first? Oooooooh, I'm going to leave that one alone.
It isn't the coffee that makes our get togethers good, it's the time spent together that makes the coffee extra good. Good idea, I think I'll go make some now.
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