You might be an over stressed mom if...

We are all familiar with Jeff Foxworthy's you might be a red neck if jokes. I've come up with my own.

The Over Stressed Mom

If you've actually ever swept dirt under a rug...
you might be an over stressed mom.

If you've ever cleaned poop off the floor with nothing but your bare hands and a wipie...
you might be an over stressed mom.

If you've ever handed your kids a piece of gum on the way out the door to the bus stop cause they didn't have time to brush...
you might be an over stressed mom.

If you've ever had to swear like Yosemite Sam cause children were present...
you might be an over stressed mom.

If you've ever made a sick child go get the bottle of medicine and a spoon...
you might be an over stressed mom.

If you've ever packed Ramen noodles for your kids lunches at school...
you might be an over stressed mom.

If you've ever thrown a towel over it and said the words, "lay at the other end and go back to sleep. We'll deal with it in the morning."...
you might be an over stressed mom.

If you've ever used the bottom of your shirt for a tissue...
you might be an over stressed mom.

If you've ever hysterically called out your child's name in a store and they're standing right behind you...
you might be an over stressed mom.

If you've ever poured your coffee into the sugar bowl instead of your cup...
you might be an over stressed mom.

If you've ever had to do the "sniff" test after your child informs you they are out of clean socks...
you might be an over stressed mom.

If you've ever opened your front door while still in your pj's at 7:10 in the morning and yelled RUN!...
 you might be an over stressed mom.

If you've ever threatened to actually break their fingers if they touch it again...
you might be an over stressed mom.

If you've ever, even for a moment, considered anonymously dropping your kids off at a nearby hospital for a couple hours peace...
you might be an over stressed mom.

If you've ever responded to the comment "they grow up so fast" with, God I hope so!...
you might be an over stressed mom.


If you've laughed at any of these because you related...
you might be an over stressed mom...and you'll be fine.

A Day Late and a Dollar Short

I keep running through my mind what I need to do to "get it together". How to get ahead on things, be prepared for things, catch up on things, heck just how to keep up with things.


My life seems to consists of : being 10 minutes late for everything - 4 cents short for the gallon of milk - 3 loads behind - a day late on the movie rentals - deciding what's for dinner 5 minutes before it's time to eat - being 1 roll short of wiping - one more tantrum away from insanity - every single pillow & blanket strewn all over the livingroom - taking out the trash on garbage day after they already came - picking up the bday card on the way to the party - forgotten library books - lost shoes - mate less socks - lukewarm coffee - spilled coffee - phone calls unreturned - appointments missed - fruit flies EVERYWHERE - constant messes being made - ect...ect...ect.


I've been racking my brain for quite some time now as to what to do about all of this. What would help? More lists? Tighter schedules? Military style rules and discipline? Higher doses of medication (for me of course)? Then it hit me...the possibility that all of this is...dare I say it...normal? Normal! Ah hahahahahaha! Normal! Maybe all of this is normal. Maybe I'm normal! Maybe all this is just the actual, realistic definition of a normal life.


Realistically speaking my house won't be as tidy as someone who doesn't have kids. I won't be able to keep track of everything all the time. Things will slip my attention, tasks will slip through my fingers, and eventually something I'm juggling I will at some point drop. I heard a saying once that life is what happens when you have other things planned...Jim reminds me of this saying quite annoyingly often. It's so easy to have that perfect scenario of life stuck in your head. It's so easy to look at others and wonder how they keep it all together when it's just an appearance like the one we try to give.


There's definitely room for improvement on things in this here household of ours but at the same time there's also room for less stressing about everything, room for letting some stuff go, room to just enjoy life and each other. Like the grandma in the movie Parenthood, I'm going to enjoy the rollercoaster...or at least give it a try.


I end this post in the wise words of Jerry Springer...take care of yourself...and each other.

It's Just a Word

Unacceptable.

It's just a word...right?

Yes.

Just a word.

But a powerful word.

A word that holds a powerful meaning.

A meaning that lets the person whom your saying it to know that their behavior is far beyond what should be and will be tolerated.

There's no room for excuses when something is unacceptable.

There's no...but mom this...but mom that.

Unacceptable is the bottom line.

Clear crisp line...no gray area...no guessing...no excuses...no arguing...just a straight, precise line.

It's also a shield...a shield from all the spittering and spattering that gets thrown.

When the slinging of excuses is over...then turned around it's also a mirror.

A mirror where the behavior that's warranted the use of the word in the first place can be seen...and then be reflected upon.

Perhaps it is more then just a word.

Yes it's more.

It's the first and last stand against all that wills to unhinge...to unravel...to cause confusion...and yes even cause compromising.

For me...it is much more then a word.

Power of Prayer

I once read a quote that said prayer doesn't change circumstances as much as it changes the man who's praying. I believe this is very true. I was reminded of it recently when doing none other then praying.

Jim and I hadn't been getting along the best that day. We were miffed at eachother and I felt as though the reasons he was miffed at me was completely unfair...hench why I was miffed back. I sat down and started to pray, "Lord please help me not to be affected by Jim attitude towards me." After the words came out they didn't settle well. "Don't let me be affected by Jim's attitude?" Then it hit me, he's my husband, whatever is going on with him is going to affect me, fair or not. We are one and every time he's peeved at me, in a bad mood, or depressed about something it's going to affect me. I quickly changed my prayer to, "Please help me not to react badly to him and how his state at the moment is affecting me."

Then I got to thinking...if his emotional or mental state affects me, then mine must affect him too. Oh boy...gulp. How many times am I in a pissy mood for stupid reasons...I woke up pissy...I lost my cup of coffee somewhere in the house for the third time today...the kids left their dirty clothes on the floor again...yadda, yadda, yadda.

If I'm in a bad mood, depressed, or on edge, it's going to affect him the same way it does me. How many times do couples get into fights because they can't extend to eachother the same grace and patience that they want.

Truth of it is that sometimes what I'm going to have to deal with concerning my husband isn't always going to be fair or deserved...visa versa, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that I do my best to not react in a stinky way to him and I try to keep in mind that I can have the same affect on him as well.

This praying thing can be quite dangerous for a selfish person like me. Go to pray about something impaticular and God shows you something about yourself. He didn't change the circumstances I was in cause Jim continued to be pissy with me the rest of the day...what changed was me.

What's on the Menu?

One of the frustrations about having all the kids home over the summer has been keeping food in the house. I buy groceries and in two days it seems like it's gone! How do you go through two loafs of bread, two boxes of cereal, and a whole gallon of milk in two days?

This last time I got groceries I started by making a menu with breakfast, lunch, dinner, and afternoon snack on it. Made my list for the store based on the menu.

A wonderful thing happened when I hung the menu on the fridge...the kids stopped asking me, "what's for lunch, what's for supper, blah...blah...blah". Which by the way I hate being asked what the next meal is going to be. Jim learned early on when he would come home from work to NOT ask me what's for supper. That question immediately puts me in a fowl mood.

Another wonderful thing happened from the menu...my kids stopped getting into food on their own. They're not allowed to get into any food without asking but that didn't seem to stop them. The fact that there's a snack on the menu and they know they will be getting one and what it's going to be has made them less naggy about getting food to stuff their faces with. Plus, if they do get into any food without permission then their snack gets taken away for the day.

I bought a bag of chips, thing of cookies, and a couple kinds of crackers for snack times and a week later there is still some left of each! I had to stop the other day and try to determine if time had stopped or if I was in an alternate universe because we still had food in the house! I love it!

Now here it is the end of summer...kids going back to school on Monday and just now got our food consumption under control. Well, better late then never.

Truth Hurts

We never much like hearing things about ourselves from others that rings a little too true or hits a little too close to home. Many times though those around us can see these things we don't, or in most cases, those things we choose to ignore. When first being confronted with some of these things we tend to react first by becoming a little perturbed with the person or thinking that they are way off base when in fact they are dead on...ouch!

I had a moment just like this the other day with none other then my husband. Unfortunately it was one of those times where he was doing the confronting and the bringing to light...again I say ouch!

His complaint was that lately when he comes home from work all I do is complain about my day. "This went wrong...the kids did this...the kids didn't do that like they were told...blah...blah...blah". He said it seems lately all I have are bad days. He doesn't enjoy working long and hot days where he comes home exhausted to me doing nothing but...well, dare I say it?...yes I dare...bitching. Right now if you were to look up the meaning of my name it would say, "One who bitcheth". He said that when he is home all I seem to do is yell. Now don't get me wrong, he wasn't saying any of this like a jerk but rather as something that's been wearing on him. I'll admit it...most all of his complaints are true.

Another complaint is why the house is always a mess. Now messes usually don't bother him but when it's in a constant state of disarray is when it starts to grind on him. I'll also admit I've been failing when it comes to enforcing cleaning up with the kids. The problem is that I want them to clean up while I do my work, but when they are left alone to do a job they mess around until two hours have passed and the room is still a mess. I need to start supervising what they are supposed to do until it's done and if they mess around I'd be right there to dish out the immediate punishment. I don't want to have to do this because it takes away from my time...my work I could be getting done. I'd like to think after a while they will get to a point where I don't need to hoover over them to make sure they do what they are supposed to.

I'll also admit I've been feeling worn down. Worn down from the bad attitudes...from the constant battling with them to help out...the feelings they have of being entitled to only the things in life that are fun...worn down from not having my help mate around like I used to. While camping, when Evie would start to wander off and I would yell for her to come back she would just either ignore me or look back and smile. At one point one of the other parents yelled for her when she wouldn't listen for me and she came running...pathetic! Don't even get me started on how they acted when we were packing up to leave and some of the others were going swimming again before leaving. They had no idea what it took for me to go camping for three days by myself, and what's worse is...they didn't care. They have an "It's all about me attitude". I'm afraid if truth be told they got that attitude from me. I pointed that one out to myself...double ouch!

If you're a praying person reading this, please do so. I've been failing and floundering as of late. I need to start making home a place where Jim can enjoy being...make it feel like a home instead of a place full of constant stress and strife.

The Sky is the Limit

There have been many times that I've felt guilty and lazy because I'm a stay at home mom. Not even so much because I'm a homemaker but because I don't do anything else. Most of my friends are stay at home moms as well. There's one main difference between them and me. Most of them home school and my other friend has gone back to college...all of which demands much of their time. I've often asked myself, "what do I do?" I don't home school, I'm not going back to school myself, heck I don't even volunteer my time or services anywhere.

I know that raising four kids is full time job but it however does leave time for other things. All my friends have four kids themselves and still have time for all they do on top of that. I don't have any inspirations for home schooling, or going back to school myself (as of yet at least). Lately I have been feeling a tug to offer what I can to those who do more then me...to serve others...to help support others.

How many times as mothers have we said to ourselves how nice it would be to every now and again have someone in our lives to help out. How many times have we envied those we see who have family close by that are evolved in their lives...in their children's lives...who are their to help and support them during one of the hardest and challenging times in their lives (which is the time in life of raising small children, heck even raising teenagers counts too).

I've felt for a while now how self absorbed I can be in my own life. God forbid if I have something on my calendar that I have to do. God forbid if I have something that requires an inconvenience on my part. That is not the heart of a servant or more important yet, the heart of Christ who was the greatest example of a servant.

I want to pull myself out of myself and be there for others who have fuller plates then I do...I want to become less self absorbed and more concerned with the difficulties and challenges others have to deal with...I want to fully give in to this desire to serve others.

I feel that God is calling me to help and support the calling He has on others lives. To serve...to help...to love and support them. That is my calling. God calls some to minister and calls others to minster to the ministers...make sense?

All this has been somewhat of a sigh of relief on my part. I had been feeling for a while that if I'm not called to home school, go back to school myself just yet, or work outside the home...then what the heck am I supposed to be doing?! There has been something missing since I've quit working and I believe that it's been the calling to serve unfulfilled.

It's time to open myself up to the needs of others...be less concerned with being inconvenienced or having something required of me. All my friends have an important role and job they've been called to do and it's my calling to help support them in their calling (that's alot of callings!)

I think about my one friend for just one example who is going back to school to be a school counselor. I think about all the children who are hurting so bad and I think about all the lives of those children that I know she is going to help and have an impact on. What better way to spend my time then to help support the calling of others.

The prayer I have for myself and my life is that God would open the doors that need to be opened for me to help...for me to give that well needed support...and yes at times that shoulder to cry on during times of discouragement and being over stressed.

By ourselves we can only accomplish so much but together, with someone having your back, the sky is the limit.

Ridiculous Sounding

Have you ever had something happen that if you were to explain it or tell someone you just know they would give you that dumb stare back. There are certain daily rituals and also occasional things that happen in our lives that would cause such a reaction with people. My life is definitely full of things like that. So is my mom's.

For example (written in a southern Alabama accent) My mama's got two cats dat ur so fet dat she's gotta worsh thar be-hinds every udder day coz them too fet to do it thumselves. Every time thez hear dat thar wadder drawin and see mama comin with the worsh cloth theyz high tailz it as fast as thayz can waddle. Don't belive up til now I've ever hurd a cat purr and growl all at the same timez afore. Good thing us peoples has higher standards of livin udderwize dat would be inappropriate. That thar be a wurd I tuaght my children...i.n.a.p.p.r.o.p.r.i.a.t.e.

Anudder time I had a bardie and I named dat thar bardie, Bardie. I does believe I done did teold dis story already but I says it again. That thar bardie done did died one day so's my mama done did put dat thar bardie in a check book box and put him in da freezer just so's I could come up and says good bye to em. Dat plus the ground been to frozen to bury em and she thoughts to herself dat flushing em might not be the bestest of idears.

Which brungs me to anudder story. My mama done did get herself a new nickname...we'z be callin her Miss.Kitty and it ain't coz Marshall Dillon be sweet on her none. See's her septic system done did get plugged...and while she be waiting for the huney wagon to come and pump er out she done did get herself a bucket with sum kitty litter. Let's just be sayin dat them thar fet cats ain't the only thing she be scoopin after.

I has one more story and it's about my daddy...and it's why we call him Tator...welp, maybe's I'd better not...I'm probably in enouf troubles as it is.

Moral to my strories is I comes by it honest.

Now Onto Front Porch Fixen Up

Yesterday I had a surprise visit from a friend. I really enjoyed the few minutes she was here as we chatted...just wished everything hadn't been such a wreck! I had plans of cleaning off my front porch yesterday but didn't get to it, after she stopped over I wished I had.

So damn it! Today was the day! I cleaned it off...burned the boxes of my Ltd stuff that I had thrown out there, and then came the fun stuff. I painted both benches that have been sitting on my front porch since last summer when I bought them from a yard sale for $5 each. 2 coats of paint on both took me a while but it was a super great day for paint drying. Next I moved onto another window frame just like the one out back. Painted it to match the benches and then hung it under the porch railing where there are no spindles. That's one reason I like those benches there...it helps cover and fill up the blank space.

When I was done with that I hung a brown curtain I had got from the thrift store behind the right bench and tied it off. Still didn't feel like being done yet especially since today was a day that Evie was taking a 4 hour nap (which is not usual for her). Next I moved onto my bar stools. I sanded the seats to them and then painted them black. I'm doing a wood and black combo in my kitchen. Still didn't feel like being done, so I sanded and painted the seat to my black bench out back that Evie had gotten white nail polish all over.

Phew! Think if it's nice out tomorrow we'll take a break and go swimming.

Pics...enjoy.

Before painting they were just old worn gray wood.

After painting...hard to see cause I painted then a grayish green.

One of the windows behind the benches that I got out of the barn.

Since hanging I've added a swag that matches the curtain behind the right bench.

View from drive way. The orange extension cord is hubby's.

Panoramic view from steps.

Before painting.

After painting. Now the next project is sanding and painting the legs to my kitchen table black and then building a new top out of wood. Think I might need hubby's help with that one.

Back Porch fixin Up Cont...

Ok, so yesterday after we all got showered I put a pull up on Evie...and it was the last one! So I had to go to the store and decided maybe they would be cheaper at Walmart vs Weis. Ok, so not really, I used it as an excuse to go. I wanted to look at Terra Cotta pots and the temptation overwhelmed me especially concerning having to go out anyways.

The nice thing about Terra Cotta is it's dirt cheap. I got two bigger pots and four small ones along with some flowers for around $10. I could handle that!

Jim is on second shift this week and got home pretty late last night. Usually since school's out now I end up staying up til he gets home. I was so excited to complete my back porch there I was at 12:30 am on my back porch putting my pots together. At least it was cool, but the occasional June bug I would have to swat away was a little annoying. Wonder what the neighbors thought if they saw me out there at that time of night?

So, anyways for now my back porch is complete...although I would like to paint the porch itself but not sure what color I would pick.

Updated pics....

I got impatients cause the back porch doesn't get alot of full sun. Debated after getting them if maybe because of the terra cotta colors if I shouldn't have picked out red flowers instead of pink. Oh well, the pink looks good too.

On a side note for lunch today we picked fresh lettuce from our mini garden to go with our sandwiches. It was so good! All the kids ate it up...even Logan!

Back Porch Fixin Up.

Last night after cleaning up supper (which included washing dishes by hand) I decided to do some painting I've been wanting to do. When I was at my parents last I went into the barn behind the house and found some treasures. There were about 50 different kinds of old windows. I've been wanting some for quite some time now for crafty projects. So I loaded up the back of my van with all different kinds of windows and frames.

The kind I decided to paint last night has 9 windows panels with no glass. I wanted to paint it to hang from my back porch. I also found some old metal flower wall hangings one of the last times I was at the thrift store. I didn't like the tacky 70's green that the stems were so I painted them black to match the black motif of what I'm trying to do. I only put one light coat of black on them so a little bit of the green shows through and I think it looks pretty good.

After getting home from church I was very anxious to hang it all since everything was dry. While the kids ate their lunch I was out back getting my decorating groove on. I had so much fun! It was a little tricky hanging everything since the back porch roof and beams are all metal. Seems as if nails don't take to kind to being pounded in metal without drilling a hole first. Who knew! Well, I did some what, but figured I'd give it a try first anyways.

Once I was done I of course, seeing the FB loser I am, immediately took pics and posted them. I so bad want to pack up all the kids for a Walmart run to get some Terra Cotta pots for my solar plant stands I got from LTD. I just picked up everything I had ordered yesterday from Nanny. She's the big LTD lady and I order through her. I've only got one more thing that I've ordered that hasn't come yet. Considering my upcoming beach trip I'd better hold off making a Walmart run. Self restraint isn't one of my strong suits but I'm giving it my best.

The motif I'm going for is Terra Cotta and black accents. It seems that I can't get enough of black! I love it. It's so sharp and clean and am using it for a lot of my accent colors here and there. I have another wooden window frame exactly the same that I want to paint and hang from the front porch. Might do that one in the dark chocolate brown I have or maybe even the dark sage green I also have.

When I came in from the outside to lay Evie down for a nap, I took one last long look at it all before coming in and said to the kids, "now if only we could get the inside looking just as nice". I have all kinds of plans and projects going on inside my head that time and money aren't allowing me to complete when I want. Patience is also not one of my strong suits. I want everything done now! The next big project is getting the set of bunk beds from my sister in-law and finishing the kids bedrooms. The girls room all I have to do is finish painting the trim and the boys room I have all the painting to do. Haven't even gotten the paint for their room yet...just the samples of the colors I want. Plus the curtains I want to make for the boys room and my kitchen. At least I have the material for the ones in my kitchen. Just got to get together with my one friend to help since I want Roman shade curtains and have never made those before.

Ah...so much to do...so little time. I need to get all my friends together for a girls painting party and get it all done at once. Maybe if I provide some good food I can talk them into it. Tee-Hee.

Here's some pics of my handy work...enjoy!

Before painting

After painting and hanging.

Before painting

After painting and hanging

My solar plant stands. Since I don't have any pots Mr.Turtle will have to do.

My infamous bench I re-did that Evie put white nail polish on. Still have to get out the remover and take care of that.

The girls enjoying the serenity of my "cozy sheek" back porch.

NO! Say it ain't so!

Filled my dishwasher yesterday, added the detergent, turned it on...and then it came...nothing. No light...no sound...no swooshing of water. NOOOOO!!!!! Sheer panic ran through my entire body...the thought...the picture...myself standing there...dare I say it...WASHING DISHES BY HAND! This is not happening...breath shortening...chest pounding...heart sinking.

Call me a spoiled brat if you will, but 6 people's worth of dishes everyday...needing washed...a broken dishwasher...worst nightmare! Now if my washing machine broke down there's laundry mats, but when a dishwasher breaks down there's no dishwasher mats. Then, another thought of terror hit me. I'm now going to have to unload it and wash every single dirty dish in the stupid thing. Walls closing in...floor falling out from under me...life as I know it falling apart!

Ok, enough flair for the drama. This sucks and worse case senerio is I'll have to save up for a new one and then just take it with us when we move from here. My hubby is even handy so maybe he will be able to figure it out before getting to that point.

When we first moved in here it was coming from a place where I had a portable dishwasher that for the last 1-2 years we lived there didn't work and was just used as extended counter space. Longest 1-2 years of my life! I was so excited when I saw this place had a built in. Every single time in the 2 years we've lived here and I've gone to run it, I've said a little prayer, "God, keep my precious dishwasher working, You know what it means to me." Silly as it may be it's been one of my biggest fears about living here, because we don't own the place or the dishwasher and our Landlord is less then ambitious, shall we say, concerning things needing done with his rentals.

In the short years I've been on this earth I've learned to, expect the unexpected, that nothing...I mean...nothing lasts forever (which in some cases is a good thing), and one of the biggest...you do what you have to do.

One last thought...yes it's going to be a royal pain not having my dishwasher...BUT...I have two older children who can reach the sink! HA, problem solved.

My Child Needs Meds. !!!

Ok, Evie has been the subject of many of my postings...well...here we go again. As if her mischievous ways weren't bad enough to deal with another problem has arisen...sigh.


At the beginning of this year we put Evie in a toddler bed and it went fine. At nap time I'd have to maybe go in a couple times to put her back in her bed but even that was short lived. At bedtime we'd put her to bed, give her a kiss and a hug and that was it...asleep.

Now bedtime which used to be my sigh of relief...get my wits back...relax from the stress of dealing with her all day....gone! She refuses to stay in her bed no matter how many times I put her back in and even spank her for getting out. She takes her pillow and blanket and lays down right in front of her door...and this is usually following a good fit of crying and screaming. When I lay her down I give her a kiss and hug and by the time I reach the door she's crying for another hug. If I go and give her another hug it just starts all over. When I leave the room that's of course when the screaming begins. If I hear her stop it's only because she's laid herself down at her door. Besides that she's been waking me up in the night any where's from 3-6 times. She wakes up screaming and pounding at her door and when I go in and ask her what's wrong she says she wants a hug. The one night I battled with her for three hours at bedtime and when she finally did go to sleep she ended up waking me 6 times that night!

Last night Jim was up for bedtime cause he didn't have to be into work til 5:30 instead of 1:30. She was even giving him a hard time with it and he's the one she usually listens to better. Finally we put her toddler bed in the other kids bedroom thinking it might help if she weren't in a room alone. It helped in that she wasn't screaming when we left the room but over the next two hours the kids kept complaining that she wouldn't shut up! Finally she got into their bed and was jumping on every one. So, just so everybody could get some sleep we put her in with us.

I don't know what to do with this child anymore. I've never loved something so much and yet wanted to be done with it at the same time. I've had plans of setting up a bunk bed in her room so her and Deb can share the bedroom...not sure if having someone in there with her will help or not. Seeing that she's never given me trouble like this before I'm just frustrated to know what's causing all her distress with bedtime.

Tonight they will be going to their Nan and Paps to spend the night and all I can say is thank God! At least I'll get one night's break from it all. I'm sure she'll be fine over there cause she usually sleeps with either her Nan or her Pap.

Before, dealing with her just caused emotional and mental exhaustion...now I can add physical exhaustion to that. I was reading on the back of some Benadryl I got for the dog and it said * do not use to make a child sleepy * Well, there goes that plan. Just kidding...but seriously :-/

The Days of Disney Princesses are over :-(

My two older kids Logan and Debbie are 10 and 8 now. They were born two years and two weeks apart exactly. Both born in the month of March.

Logan's favorite shows used to be Max & Ruby, Dragon Tales, Elmo's World, and Rugrats just for a few. He used to call Elmo Melmo. Now it's Ben 10, Adventure Time, Mad Tv, and Family Guy if we'd we'd let him watch it!

Deb used to love anything Princess, Sesame Street, Dora, and Wonder Pets. Now it's anything Justin Beiber (which I can't stand that little prick!), ICarly, Victorious, and Wizards of Waverly Place for just a few.

Where did my little babies go? Yesterday we took the kids to Little Pine and stopped at the country store in Waterville for drinks. There were two younger guys standing out front and Deb was just starring at them. Boy crazy already!? The other day I said something sarcastic and Logan laughed cause he got it. I felt sad and proud all at the same time! He's even made me laugh using some of the same dry sarcastic wit I use.

When it comes to Deb Jim's ready to put his shot gun of choice on layaway and with Logan I'm ready to put a down payment on that military school. Logan is 3 short years away from becoming a teenager and Deb is only two short years behind him.

Talk about starting to feel old. Not sure where I find myself falling with these older kids. I've been a mother to toddlers most of my adult life, so this adolescence I'm finding myself in leaves me feeling a little unnerved as the journey goes on.

Good bye Melmo...good bye Swiper no swiping...good bye my Logie Dogie...good bye my Debbie Doodle. At least I still have my Jer Bear and Eviekins...for a little while yet.

I can't think of a title so I'm just going to say, BLAH

I stuck to my guns. Evie threw a fit at nap time because she kept wanting a hug after I had given her several. When ever she gets into trouble she always throws a fit for a hug. I have this fear that over time with as much as she gets into trouble that she will start to feel like she's no good and is unloved, so I give it to her. This need for hugs at times of misbehavior I fear has been her manipulating me not wanting reassurance of being loved. Evie screamed and threw a fit for almost an hour before falling asleep. Going through that wasn't just hard for her...sniff...sniff.

Afterwards I felt really bad...not because I stuck to my guns and didn't give in, but because I've let her go to the point of needing to go through that. It's ultimately my fault for letting it go this far and getting to the point of her screaming bloody murder for an hour. I put her through that.

Sometimes I find myself taking the lazy road to parenting. Parenting one can be exhausting enough let alone four and I use that as an excuse to pick and choose my battles...ignore what I want...deal with what I want. One of my biggest faults is not doing what I need to simply because I don't feel like it.

Occasionally things around here get behind because it's been crazy busy, but majority of the time it's because I don't feel like it. That's a big sign of immaturity on my part. Selfishness as well. Here I have a husband who has to work up to 18 hours a day even when he doesn't feel like it and all I have to do is keep a house clean and kids in order. I even get to do it on 8 hours of sleep where as he's usually going on 4-5 hours sleep.

If I were living 100 years ago when life was really hard I would've never made it. I'd be in the corner of my little house on the prairie curled up in the fetal position.

Drudgery

I posted on my face book page a quote from Oswald Chambers on the subject of drudgery.

"Drudgery is one of the finest touchstones of character there is. Drudgery is work that is very far removed from anything to do with the ideal - utterly mean, grubby things; and when we come in contact with them we know instantly whether or not we are spiritually real."

I have to tell you this convicted me. You don't have to look very far through my house to see how "spiritual" I am. The minute I feel dissatisfied and above having to do the "grubby" things in my life my house starts to show it. I think all mothers can related to the fact that motherhood can at times be "mean" and "grubby".

Where do we get this feeling of being above it all? Why do we tend to feel dissatisfied with doing the less then glamorous?

I struggled with this especially when pregnant with our second child. I thought to myself that I'm 23, pregnant with my second child and haven't done anything I planned to do when out on my own. I'm a wife and mother now...crap!...well, there's goes all the hopes and dreams I had for my life...dashed to bits. I had always wanted to study archeology and ancient world history. Travel the world and see ancient civilizations, work and possible someday teach in this field...but that was gone now.

Since then I've come to a sense of peace about my lost dreams and where God has redirected me. Also knowing that He is capable of fulling all my dreams in my life time and even give me new and better ones to hold on to. Yet...there are still times of dissatisfaction with my role as a mother. Why?

Often times I think we over look the meaningfulness of what Jesus did when He washed His disciples feet or just the fact that He he gave up His heavenly position and came to live as one of us in all this drudgery.

I look at all the celebrities who get pats on the back, awards, and recognition for getting their hands dirty in some third world country. It's looked at that they are rich and famous and look how they still care and are willing to lower them selves to the needs of others. What did Christ get for it? I think we all know the answer to that one.

When being a stay at home mom there are no award ceremonies, recognition, and admiration for what we do. Every time we hear the words "I'm done" we don't hear a round of applause when we've taken care of it. Every time we've had a booger wiped on us, got someone else's poop on our hands, cleaned up vomit, and had something of great value to us destroyed by a thoughtless child...we don't get to put on a $30,000 custom made evening gown to be praised for it.

Being a mother is needless to say a less then glamorous job and one that most look down upon unless you have a career to go with it. The list of reasons for being dissatisfied with our position as mother's goes on and on, but ultimately I think that feeling comes when we are doing all of it for the wrong reasons. If we're waiting for a big hand clap...not going to happen. As good as our husbands are we feel over looked and under appreciated at times. We put to much pressure on our husbands to gives us that feeling of fulfillment over what we do. We want them to bow down to us and even baby us for all the meagerness we deal with. Husbands definitely need to praise,appreciate, and respect their wives, but that is also a two way street. We can't rely on them to give us what we can only receive from God.We're not going to receive a letter in the mail saying we've been selected as mother of the year for all we do and we act like we should.

If there is dissatisfaction in our role it is because we are not doing it out of love for the one who really didn't deserve to live a life of drudgery. We're doing it out of necessity and the desire for a good outward appearance in the hopes of receiving some form of praise and yes, even pity at times. I once heard it referred to as...Mommy Martyr Syndrome...and to be honest with you I have a bad case of it. We want to be treated by others as the martyrs we feel we are.

Oswald Chambers even referred to drudgery by basically saying it isn't difficulty that makes me think God will forsake me but drudgery. When there is no vision given, nothing wonderful or beautiful, just the common place day in and day out - can I hear God's voice in these things? My answer to that is no...not because it isn't there but simply because I have not been listening. I have not been doing what the world refers to as "lowly" things for Him. God is the only one who can give us true joy in the drudgery of life and help us overcome a martyr mentality. Remember, Christ gave up His seat at the right hand of the Father to come lives with us as one of us, be rejected by us, and then die for us. Not once did He ever wallow in self pity over the drudgery of it all. He did all of it for us but ultimately out of the love He had for the Father. He is our example of how to live in the drudgery of the day to day with victory and joy.

Big Bros

Yesterday after church we went to a b-day gathering at a friends house. After we all had a super wonderful lunch we all headed to the nearby park. There was a huge sand box that was a big hit with all my kiddos...especially Evie.

There were several unsupervised children there playing while their parents were playing a soft ball game at the ball park next to the playground area (which leaving little children unsupervised in a public place like that is a whole other post). There were two boys playing in the sand box and they were playing robot...so Evie started acting like a robot and saying, "I'm a robot...I'm a robot". The one little boy started yelling at her and kept saying she wasn't a robot and it was his game. Logan stood right up and went over to him and told him she could be a robot if she wants to. That a boy Logan!

It's funny...he can do all sorts of things to her...boss her around...yell at her for annoying him...take stuff from her...list goes on, but when he sees someone else mistreating her buddy he doesn't like that. Weird how brother and sisters are like that.

I remember when Jim and I were both living at my older brother's years ago, (that's how we met) him and I were laying on the floor watching movies together. This story makes Jim laugh when we talk about it. My brother walked out into the living room and saw us on the floor together and stood over Jim giving him the nastiest look I think Jim has ever gotten from anyone...and I've given him some doozies. Now Jim and I were behaving...we were just watching movies but still he didn't like that his little sister was having any moves laid on her by anyone! Funny.

When we were kids I remember we were making fake ids with the type writer and then laminating them with boxing tape. I was having trouble with mine and my brother wouldn't help me. I was in the living room crying when my other older brother (who lives in NZ now) came in and asked me what was wrong. When I told him I couldn't do it he helped me make one. Funny those things you remember.

Both my girls have two brothers to drive them crazy...annoy them...and make them cry, but they also have two brothers who will look out for them and step up when they are being mistreated. Jer will spend his day fighting with Evie (sometimes physically fighting with her too) but he will also get upset if I lay her down for nap when he hasn't given her a good nite kiss.

Hard Workin Man

I felt bad last night...why...well because Jim had to go back to work today. He had two days off after seven days and 112 hours of work last week. His two days off went by like a fart in the wind.

We didn't accomplish much this set of days off like last time but that's o-kay. Who wants to do work around the house after you've worked 100+ hours.

Sometimes I worry about my man having to work so hard. I think about how I would fold under the weight of it if it were me having to do what he does and work the hours that he does. My Jimmer has an inner strength that I envy at times. I have to remind myself that God made him different then me. He designed him to be the provider and work hard. He's given him a strength to do what he does. I'm sure if Jim were here with the kids as much as I am he would be dying to go back to work. I have a strength to do what I have to just like he has a strength to do what he has to. I need to stop imposing my strengths and weaknesses on him. He isn't going to fold under the pressure of being the provider like I would. He's my big strong Beefy man!

Men need to feel that importance of being needed and providing. Also the need of being appreciated for their hard work. One thing I've learned in the years we've been married is the importance of showing him respect for what he does. It's hard for him to be away from us and needs me to support and respect him. This is an area that needs some improvement on my part as he would gladly attest to.

I've often in the years we've been together looked around at other women and been very thankful to have the hubby I do. He used to get into trouble with his brother in-law we lived next to cause he would pick me flowers on the way home from work all the time. Unfortunately he had to stop because I was allergic to them.

I've never gotten into trouble with him for spending too much money, not keeping the house tidy enough, or saying something off colored (he usually laughs at that). He is very understanding (most of the time) and has a deep desire to do things that are sweet and thoughtful (again, most of the time). We are best friends with a long list of inner jokes that no one else would get. One right placed word can send us into fits of laughter while everyone else looks in confusion (and no it's not always dirty either).

There are some things I wished he would be more serious on but I would never want to give up the other in it's place. accepting your spouse for who they are is very freeing. I never want to make him feel that there is a unreachable standard I've laid down that I expect him to live up to. He doesn't do that with me.

Lost in thoughts of me. :)

Grrrrrrr

Front Porch Sittin

Yesterday I took a break from working outside. I needed it. I've woken up late every day this week! I've been poopin myself out. I either haven't been hearing the alarm or I've been hitting snooze in my sleep.

Today I cleaned off the front porch. I put my fake ficus tree with white lights on the porch. I was tired of it being in my living room. I think it looks o-kay. I hung my berry wreath I had in my kitchen but had to take it down when I moved the hutch. It seems more cozy out front.

After I did the porch we had lunch out back again. I made pb&j with popcorn and chocolate milk. Sound nutritious? Well, we got our bellies full and that's all that matters. Clean up time was a cinch. Thank God that winter is finally over. This nice weather has been well needed medicine to all our souls. I've really enjoyed scooting the kids out back while I do my cleaning. I don't care too much for all the dirt they bring in, but I'm trying not to pay too close attention to the floors. I sweep once a day and darn it that's enough...probably to some people more then enough. I've decided that clean floors is something I'll have to wait for all the kids to grow up and leave to have. There's no point to it...as soon as I sweep and mop some body gets them dirty again. I'd rather spend my time just enjoying watching them have fun outside...and being out of my hair.

Too bad we have a crappy looking front door. The land lord said he would get a new one but that was a year ago...I'm starting to wonder.

Can you tell it's fake? Cheesy?

My wooden crate with the flower Deb brought home from school for Mother's Day.

Yummy time.

Chocolate milk mustache.

She only ate her popcorn.

Also painted our house number on this rock Jim found.

Camp Fire!

I know I said I was going to work on the inside of the house today...and I did. The kids played outside while I finished up my cleaning and then we had lunch on the back porch. After lunch I got it in my head to dig the fire pit I've been wanting to make. I got most of it dug but took a break at nap time. I finished it up after the kids got home from school. Then we all headed to the creek that runs along the trailer court and got creek rocks for our fire ring. I FILLED the back of my van with rocks. I want to go back and get more to finish lining the mulch around the house.

When I was done making the fire ring I started to mulch the area around it. It's where we had the garden last year and since there's nothing growing there now I decided to cover the whole square in mulch with the fire ring in the middle. I want to get larger rocks to line the square with. I'm also planning on getting logs or stumps for seats around it.

Along the side of the shed I'm going to plant pole green beans and hook string from the ground to the top of the shed for them to climb up. When they bush out it'll look really good. Plus I ordered wooden edging fences with solar lights attached to them that I'm going to put along the side of the shed to separate the plants from the fire area. There's distance between them but the fencing will make it look nicer.

It's coming together how I want things. I have the blue prints in my head and I'm not going to stop til it's all done. I think I'm going to need some more mulch though to do everything.

Don't let my husband fool you with his comments...he was at work today so he wasn't here to help or do any of it. My back isn't aching for nothing.

The kids were all excited and went searching for fire wood.

I waited so long for a burner barrel...now I can probably just use the fire pit. I think it will look really sharp if I line the square. I have to finish the mulch, move the burner barrel, and clean up the brush up towards the bank. I'm very pleased thus far with how it looks...the pictures don't do it justice.

Mother's Day

This weekend the kids went to their Nan and Paps. While they were there their Nan had gotten stuff for each of them to make me a present. They had them all closed up in gift bags and told me I couldn't open them until Mother's Day. When I woke up yesterday morning and Logan knew I was awake he was so excited for me to open them that he opened them for me and brought them to me. I barely had my contacts in to see what they had made when he handed me their presents.

We went to my parents for the day and my Grandpy was there. We stuffed ourselves and then finished it off with making ice cream cones. The kids spent majority of the day playing in the ditch which is like a mini creek that flows along the drive way. The kids didn't find anything but I found a crayfish.

The busy weekend pooped me out so much that I got up late this morning and had to take the kids to school. I just love Mondays...not!

Logan's flower arrangement he made for me.

Deb's tea cup arrangement she made.

Jer's tea cup and puppy dog arrangement he made.

Evie made me a card with flowers on it. I could barely get a pic of it as she thinks it's hers and won't give it up.

Evie smelling the real looking fake flowers.

Logan and Jer playing bat and ball.

Logan climbing out of the ditch onto the bridge.

Grandpy's big truck.

I Love It When a Plan Comes Together

The famous words of the A-team. I love plans...loooove plans. Problem is they hardly ever work out the way I planned them.

Well, I'm very happy to say that I made plans for this weekend and guess what? It actually worked out! I should mark these days on the calendar so I can celebrate them annually.

Jim had off Friday, today and tomorrow. Three day weekend! Plus Friday night the kids went to their Nan and Paps. After we dropped them off we came home and got to work. I had planned to get the outside looking good. The leaves from last fall were still up against the back of the trailer from the woods behind us. They were about three feet deep, but we got them all cleaned up. We worked outside til dark. Then Jim went this morning to the McElhattan dump and got four yards of mulch. Four yards doesn't sound like much but let me tell you...it is. This entire heaping mass filled the entire bed of Jim's truck. When they filled it they even packed it down with the bucket of the loader. So it was a packed heaping mass.

We worked until about noon and then had to go get the kids. We took a break when we got home and Evie took a well needed nap. We went back to work with the kids helping at 4:30pm and worked again until about 8pm. We finished spreading the mulch all the way around the trailer, re-did the bricks in the front, dug up and transplanted plants, and then Jim mowed. Last but not least because the grass was so long the kids and I worked on raking up the clippings. Phew...job well done.

I can't wait until we can get flowers to spruce things up with. I ordered small hedge fences with solar lights, black iron tree rings with solar lights, and some other stuff for the outside from LTD. I order it through Jim's step mom so it might take a little while to get it since she's waiting for others to place their orders. I'm sure I'll post the pics when I get them.

Before

After

Before

After with the plants I transplanted.

Before

After

Added a plant to the corner.

Before

After

Jim thinks these holes were from a central air system that somebody had at one time. Our outdoor cat lives under the trailer and I notice that he always goes in the one and out the other. So I figured I'd paint signs for him. :-)

All the stones I found on the hill behind us.

I found some big ones and thought they'd make good steps.

This is the front where we re-did the bricks.

Evie picking up grass.

Deb picking it up too and getting tired of it.

Logan doing some raking.

Evie getting a ride to the brush pile.

Lots O mulch

I didn't get any pics of Jer. He was inside with a sprained ankle. Poor kid couldn't walk on it.