I've been thinking about my prayer life alot lately and had a time recently when trying to pray feeling overwhelmed with my undeservingness. It was to the point where I couldn't continue praying - I just walked away so to speak. I got to thinking how many times when I pray do I remind God of the fact that I don't deserve anything from Him. I'd either start my prayer with "Lord I know I don't deserve" or I end my prayer with this plea. Why I began to wonder are we like that. Does God really need to be reminded of this fact and why do feel the constant need to do so? Over the past few days God has shown me a couple reasons why...at least in my own life.
One reason He showed me is that I don't trust Him to help me and answer my prayers. I feel the need to present myself to Him in the most pathetic and pitiful state as to convince Him to help me. I felt unless I convince Him to help me He won't. I mean boiled down that was my attitude towards Him. The second reason is by presenting myself in this way I felt I was being humble - which He has shown me is a false sense of humility. How does wallowing around in the person I was before He made me into this new creation bring Him honor? Don't get me wrong we are always to be thankful for all that He has done and is doing in our lives, but I believe this can be done in a way that brings God glory and strengthens us.
God brought to my remembrance a couple scriptures concerning this. Heb.4:16- Let us then fearlessly, confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in good time for every need. Also Isaiah 40:27-28 Why, O Jacob, do you say, and declare, O Israel, my way and my lot are hidden from the Lord, and my right is passed over without regard from my God? Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, does not faint or grow weary; there is no searching for His understanding. In verse 14 in the following chapter, God refers to Jacob as a worm! How many times have I come to God as a worm? He says confidently and boldly come to me.
Now as for this false sense of humility. If it's not humility then what is it? This false humility of being undeserving keeps us from receiving from God. Pride has no problem giving it does however have a problem with receiving. True humility is able to receive. Satan's a tricky son of a beach - he deceives us into thinking we're being humble when in reality we're being the complete opposite.
As for this spiritual worminess. We've all heard the illustration or word picture of the reason we at times don't feel or see God is because our backs are turned away from Him - not that He's not there. I think the same could be said for the reason we don't see or feel Him is because we're looking down. God is not in our "spiritual" feet. Why do we have such a hard time believing that God answers our prayers and gives to us simply because He wants to. He tells us that even the evil man gives good gifts to his children...how much more will he give to us? Now yes, I don't deserve God's salvation or grace, but this fact should bring thankfullness not "worminess". Our prayers should begin with that thankfullness and with the confidence that comes from the realization that it is no longer I that lives but Him that lives with in me. We do not deserve Christ's redeeming blood but through it He has made us deserving because of Christ's life in us.
Conclusion, let us lift up our heads and look into the face of our God...our Father. Let us draw near to Him in confidence through the realization that He has taken away our undeservingness and stop reminding Him of who we were before we had Him in our hearts.
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