I stuck to my guns. Evie threw a fit at nap time because she kept wanting a hug after I had given her several. When ever she gets into trouble she always throws a fit for a hug. I have this fear that over time with as much as she gets into trouble that she will start to feel like she's no good and is unloved, so I give it to her. This need for hugs at times of misbehavior I fear has been her manipulating me not wanting reassurance of being loved. Evie screamed and threw a fit for almost an hour before falling asleep. Going through that wasn't just hard for her...sniff...sniff.
Afterwards I felt really bad...not because I stuck to my guns and didn't give in, but because I've let her go to the point of needing to go through that. It's ultimately my fault for letting it go this far and getting to the point of her screaming bloody murder for an hour. I put her through that.
Sometimes I find myself taking the lazy road to parenting. Parenting one can be exhausting enough let alone four and I use that as an excuse to pick and choose my battles...ignore what I want...deal with what I want. One of my biggest faults is not doing what I need to simply because I don't feel like it.
Occasionally things around here get behind because it's been crazy busy, but majority of the time it's because I don't feel like it. That's a big sign of immaturity on my part. Selfishness as well. Here I have a husband who has to work up to 18 hours a day even when he doesn't feel like it and all I have to do is keep a house clean and kids in order. I even get to do it on 8 hours of sleep where as he's usually going on 4-5 hours sleep.
If I were living 100 years ago when life was really hard I would've never made it. I'd be in the corner of my little house on the prairie curled up in the fetal position.
I can understand how you feel but don't be so hard on yourself. Being a mother is a very important and difficult job. We can't give 100% all the time. If sometimes you take time just to keep sane then that is making you a happier mother. Wanting to keep everything in order and do just the right thing by your kids is a worthy goal but we can't be perfect. I worry a lot about how my early decisions with the babies will affect them later or whether I will take my frustrations out on them. It is hard to do but we have to take care of ourselves so that we can in turn be there for everyone else. Try not to compare yourself to what anyone else is doing - most mothers will admit that working outside the home is easier than taking care of all the many needs that children have and you have four individuals to nurture! I take my hat off to you and am sending you a Kiwi hug of your own to remind you that you are a fine Momma!
ReplyDeleteBecky, Rebecca is right! Spot on. As moms, we constanly compare ourselves...exhausting. AND, we second guess ourselves...discouraging. We mother with the knowledge that we have...we learn as much as we can...we hope our kids know how much we love them.
ReplyDeleteI don't think its only moms, but people including mothers leave themselves out of their internal planning for success. Its so easy to forget one's own needs in order to look after that for which we feel responsible.
ReplyDeleteIts always equally important to objectify your own frailties and make caring for yourself part of discharging your responsibilities to others. If you aren't keeping yourself well, you aren't going to be any good to anyone.
Agree, agree, agree! Very well said, Bryan. I love that phrase, "internal planning for success." Great word picture.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys. It's so easy to see the faults in yourself at times. School has only been out for two days and I already feel defeated. Just tired of letting kids push me around and trying to control me with their behavior.
ReplyDeleteI've known people who have a lot of bitterness and resentment towards their parents and am so afraid of my kids turning out like that. One of my biggest fears is my kids not liking me and growing up wishing they had some one else for a mom. I guess I've let that fear affect how I deal with them. I'm going to have to face the fact head on that my kids aren't always going to like me and everything I tell them to do. It's time to get over it.
I wouldn't trade you for all the supper nanny's in the world babydoll although a lil less time on this here picture tube and key board might help but i know its a venting point for you but sometimes a distraction. Sorry i no use big words for you babe butt i no know any Love ya!!! P.S. KNOW GET BACK TO WORK HA HA HA HA
ReplyDeleteAnonymous said the biggest word of all...LOVE. If he's who I think he is; give him a big hug and kiss!
ReplyDeleteBecky wrote:
ReplyDeleteIf I were living 100 years ago when life was really hard I would've never made it. I'd be in the corner of my little house on the prairie curled up in the fetal position.
You'd be surprised what you can and will do when you have to. I was.