I Should Have Named Her Jezebel

 This post is not for the squeamish. It contains very "girly" content that's not for the faint of heart. (That means you Dad, might want to skip this one) Continue if you dare.


Everyone who sees my little two year old always says how cute and sweet she is. If they only knew! I've often joked about how if the Bible didn't already state that the anti-christ was going to be male that I would be worried. Then again it also does talk about a woman who rides on a scarlet beast holding a golden cup of "accursed" offenses. That could be her. She is full of accursed offenses.


Let me share a few. The other morning she got her own cereal, without my knowledge of course. There was Life cereal all over the floor, table, and a bowl full to the brim. Doesn't sound that bad? Let me continue.


She was in the bathroom the other day "going potty". Jim went in to check on her. He found her standing in front of the toilet, closet door open with an unwrapped tampon trying to......ah-hem. I know some girls get there monthly's for the first time a little earlier than others, but two? I don't think so. There was a previous time where she took pads out of the closet, unwrapped them and stuck them to the floor. I'm still trying to get the sticky residue off. Nail polish remover didn't work, alcohol didn't work, not even a magic eraser would work. Boy when they advertise that they stay in place when you wear them they're not kidding.


Just today she some how got a hold of a permanent black marker. She now has drawn on eyebrows. You know the kind that old ladies have because they pluck all the hairs just so they can then draw ones on and constantly have that "surprised" look. I got to it while it was still fresh and got most of it off thankfully.


Most of you know that one of my hobbies is that I make jewelry. She one day went into my room, climbed on top of my dresser, and proceeded to take my handmade necklaces hanging above and rip them apart one by one. I wanted to cry. Nobody, but nobody messes with my accessories. They are what make the outfit. She ruined all but two. Evilness in it's entirety.


Now on to her table manners. She thinks mashed potatoes are shampoo, soup is for washing her hands in, and baked beans are for putting in her butt crack. I'm not kidding, one night while having beans and weenies for supper, she took off her diaper. When I got her down from the table she walked in the living room to get a new diaper and as she walked away I saw these little rabbit terd things falling on the floor as she walked. Now maybe she knows something the rest of us don't concerning baked beans in the butt crack, but I highly doubt it. Not going to try to find out.


This child wreaks havoc where ever she goes. Nothing is safe or sacred in her unending path of destruction. I wonder if they have juvie for two year olds? Supper Nanny where are you?!!! I need you!